Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Lola vs. Her Oh No No List

I need to give credit where credit is due here. This post is one part Tom Haverford and one part Lola and all parts Mr. O.

Don't know Parks and Rec or Tom Haverford aka the self-dubbed "Brown Ryan Gosling"? You should. But, I suppose I can easily nutshell it for you. When Tom Haverford dates a woman he has something he calls "His Oh No No List". If a woman commits an Oh No No, it could end a relationship. For example, according to Tom, not loving 90's R&B music is number three on His Oh No No List. Not ever having seen a Paul Walker movie- huge Oh No No. Not caring about Bluray? Another Oh No No.

When Mr. O came to me with the idea of a Lola version of the Oh No No List I couldn't really refuse now, could I? After all he has been a loyal reader from the very beginning. Plus the fact that he remembered that I'm a Parks and Rec fan was just the icing on my red velvet cupcake.

In no particular order of importance and in the spirit of Tom Haverford, here is an excerpt from the Lola Oh No No List:

1) Sends me flowers for any occasion. Yuck. And I swear I'm not just being contumacious. I really do hate flowers. All kinds.
2) Wears tighter pants than I do.
3) Doesn't understand sarcasm or its proper uses in the verbal smack-down arena.
4) Pluralizes words like underwear.
5) Throws around phrases like "my stock portfolio" and "those anger management courses I took once" on the first date
6) Cannot name at least one Goonie.
7) Thinks Legos are just kids toys.
8) Has an affinity for driving moccasins or personalized condoms.
9) Uses inspirational quotes via txt message in an un-ironic way.
10) Is a Patriot fan.
11) Does not think Indiana Jones level of cool is something to strive for.
12) Will not let me frequently play with his sonic screwdriver.
13) Whittles some sort of wood and/or also plays the banjo.
14) Is not a fan of delicious flavor.
15) Cannot handle a few shots of Jameson at an Irish Pub.
16) Invites me to his brother's high school play as a second date.
17) Does not red eat meat. Never trust a man who doesn't eat red meat.
18) Has seen The Wire and still does not appreciate the sheer brilliance of names like Stringer Bell. Or running drugs in the projects of Baltimore.
19) Believes that Archer is offensive and trite and gets into an argument awkwardly in front of the wait staff about it with me. On a first date.
20) Makes Oh No No Lists. What can I say? I'm a contrary bitch.

There you have it, readers. Anyone else have any of their own Oh No Nos to add to the list?


BeckEye said...

I went out with a guy who didn't understand sarcasm once. ONCE. (And that's part "Johnny Dangerously.")

Laura said...

My mother hung me on a hook once. Once.

BeckEye- Your quoting of Johnny Dangerously just made my Oh Yes Yes List.

angelgrec said...

I love this, especially numbers 10 & 11. I do think the brother's high school play thing is kind of sweet, but probably not for a SECOND date -- says the old married woman. Ha!

mo.stoneskin said...

Funny you should post this. Only last night I was examining my stock portfolio while picking at a vegetable lasagne. Then I sent a few choice inspirational quotes out via text message, specifically carrying a lack of irony. Then it was time to relax, so I got smashed on 25mls of Jamesons, whipped out the banjo and sang about personalised condoms.

Anyway, do you want to come to my brother's high school play as a second date?

Laura said...

@angelgrec- Hmmm, I know who you are. Now that sounds creepy. And you could never be an old married woman to me. Especially since I remember your wicked, debauchery. And definitely not on a second date. Definitely.

@mo.stonsekin- I can't believe you are back and commenting on my blog. Wow. I am overwhelmed by nostalgia. It's nice to see you again. By the way, I am having such trouble not picturing you whipping out your banjo while drunk on Jameson.

mo.stoneskin said...

Ha ha, well I don't drink whiskey or play the banjo so I should be safe.

You posting again soon? I keep stopping by to check and being sorely disappointed. :(

Laura said...

@mostoneskin- Haha, well small favors, I suppose? I will be posting tomorrow. Love that you are checking...

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