Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Lola vs. Tailgating and The One Night Stand

First off all, I need to thank all of you. When I started this ridiculous little blog I had no idea that so many people would read it- let alone actually care about what happens to me in it. But my previous post sparked a lot of concerned emails and support. More than I ever would have imagined. And honestly if I didn't have a gaping black hole where my heart should be, I would be crying. Maybe even real tears. On second thought, I probably would just use the tears of the people whose souls I've destroyed. Seeing as how I keep them in an antique bottle on my dresser.

See, I told you I'm still me. As is painfully evident in the below story.

Kane and I were up early- bright and shiny like new copper pennies- for a football homecoming tailgate extravaganza (which as you might have guessed is the only reason I would be up early on a Saturday). There are few things in life that bring me such unadulterated joy as football tailgating in the fall. The combination of that warm Indian summer sun and the unexpected crisp fall breeze that whips across your skin as you sip an ice cold beer is nearly irresistible.

So driving down to meet the rest of our friends, Kane and I once again had one of our deep, philosophical discussions.

Lola: (looking down at her text messages, groaning) It's this guy again.
Kane: Which guy?
Lola: The guy I slept with who I met on my porch. Why is he still talking to me?
Kane: Maybe he just wants to bone again.
Lola: He invited me to a party. With his friends. In two weeks. That's like premeditated.
Kane: Oh. (pause) What did you say?
Lola: That's the Lakely brigade ND outing and it's also Kane palooza. So that would be a negative. (looking at her phone) Ugh, and he wants to take me to a movie in the middle of the week.
Kane: You have to be the only girl I know who complains when a guy actually wants to date her. (wailing sounds) Waaa. Waaa. This guy actually likes me and wants to spend time with me. Waaa. Waaaa.
Lola: But why can't he just stay firmly in the one night stand category? Why ruin a perfectly good thing?
Kane: What happened to you being open to new experiences?
Lola: Baby steps, Kane. Baby steps.

Yeah, so that was actually the last coherent conversation I remember from that day. I started drinking rum and coke at about 10:30am and um... sort of... didn't stop until after one a.m.

Which brought about some passionate singing...


and switching hats randomly through-out the day...


If I remember correctly, Kane got me to the game, Z managed to drive me home, and somehow I was still in a condition to drink sweet tea vodka with my friend Ry. Where there may have been a brief, albeit intense discussion on how pylons are possibly the coolest things ever invented. At this point, I may also have lost a bet with him and I think I'm now obligated to name my first child pylon.

But I still have absolutely NO idea how I woke up with blue electrical tape on my body. Any takers on this one?