Don't know Parks and Rec or Tom Haverford aka the self-dubbed "Brown Ryan Gosling"? You should. But, I suppose I can easily nutshell it for you. When Tom Haverford dates a woman he has something he calls "His Oh No No List". If a woman commits an Oh No No, it could end a relationship. For example, according to Tom, not loving 90's R&B music is number three on His Oh No No List. Not ever having seen a Paul Walker movie- huge Oh No No. Not caring about Bluray? Another Oh No No.
When Mr. O came to me with the idea of a Lola version of the Oh No No List I couldn't really refuse now, could I? After all he has been a loyal reader from the very beginning. Plus the fact that he remembered that I'm a Parks and Rec fan was just the icing on my red velvet cupcake.
In no particular order of importance and in the spirit of Tom Haverford, here is an excerpt from the Lola Oh No No List:
1) Sends me flowers for any occasion. Yuck. And I swear I'm not just being contumacious. I really do hate flowers. All kinds.
2) Wears tighter pants than I do.
3) Doesn't understand sarcasm or its proper uses in the verbal smack-down arena.
4) Pluralizes words like underwear.
5) Throws around phrases like "my stock portfolio" and "those anger management courses I took once" on the first date
6) Cannot name at least one Goonie.
7) Thinks Legos are just kids toys.
8) Has an affinity for driving moccasins or personalized condoms.
9) Uses inspirational quotes via txt message in an un-ironic way.
10) Is a Patriot fan.
11) Does not think Indiana Jones level of cool is something to strive for.
12) Will not let me frequently play with his sonic screwdriver.
13) Whittles some sort of wood and/or also plays the banjo.
14) Is not a fan of delicious flavor.
15) Cannot handle a few shots of Jameson at an Irish Pub.
16) Invites me to his brother's high school play as a second date.
17) Does not red eat meat. Never trust a man who doesn't eat red meat.
18) Has seen The Wire and still does not appreciate the sheer brilliance of names like Stringer Bell. Or running drugs in the projects of Baltimore.
19) Believes that Archer is offensive and trite and gets into an argument awkwardly in front of the wait staff about it with me. On a first date.
20) Makes Oh No No Lists. What can I say? I'm a contrary bitch.
There you have it, readers. Anyone else have any of their own Oh No Nos to add to the list?