Monday, March 28, 2011

Lola vs. F**ck Family Friendly

I have been done a great wrong, readers. A horrible injustice!

I recently received an offer to get free ad placement from a certain blog network website. I thought to myself humbly, "Hey, why not, people could surely benefit from the wisdom I can provide them!" I pondered. I fretted. Hair was torn out. Nerves were frayed. Wedges driven into relationships. And then ten seconds later, I came up with a very succinct, albeit intoxicating way to describe myself and my site.

I received this reply, almost immediately:


Sorry but your ad was not approved. The reason our editorial team gave is as follows: Thank you but unfortunately the site is too mature for our family friendly blog network.

We have canceled this ad.

Regards, Your____ Team

First I felt anger. Did they not see my post on immaturity? There is definitely no maturity to speak of there. Those plebian bastards!

Then Resentment. Why the hell get my hopes up only to dash them against the cliffs of judgement? The rocks of censorship! The jagged edges of ... stupid people being... stupid. Why are they imposing structure to my life with their silly free ads?

Followed closely by insecurity. Wait, I'm not even good enough for FREE?

And, lastly, a bone-wrenching sadness. ...

When I finally trudged through the swamp of my emotions, I took a deep breath and wondered what I could possibly do to make up for all of my past indescretions. Reach this untapped resource of family-friendly maturity.

Then I realized that I didn't care.


*uncorked said...

Want to come drink vodka with me in the bathtub? Because that's where I'm headed. Now.

Crazy Newt said...

Well, that's just unfortunate. I mean, you had your shot at making the millions, and it was just taken away from you! *sniff*

Tell ya what. I'll give you some free advertising on *MY* blog. You can get some of my wonderful reader(s).

tennysoneehemingway said...

I think they realised how many people would flood your blog and ignore all others that they got cold feet. Wimpy pricks.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Too mature? Is that a compliment or a polite way of calling you a slut?

Lola Lakely said...

@V- Good god yes. You should have txted me. I would have been on the next flight out there. Although we probably would have gotten way more shampoo in our vodka than necessary.

@Crazy Newt- I was robbed, I tell ya! Robbed. See, you appreciate the finer things in life.

@Tenny- Wimpy pricks indeed! Cowards too. They are afraid at learning the valuable life lessons that begin and end with this blog.

@Gorilla- I hadn't thought about it that way. But yeah, now I'm even more upset. My virtue has been called into question and I feel violated.

Laz said...

Don't worry dear... I'm sure you can get a perfectly ad placed from Bang Bus up in here.

Lola Lakely said...

@Laaaaaz- So nice to see you here. You do realize that you've made an appearence on here, talking about the infamous bang bus thing? Miss you. Happy hour?

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Fuck that PG nonsense right in the ass dude. Have a cocktail.

Lola Lakely said...

@Vegetable Assassin-
Fuck that PG nonsense right in the ass actually should have been the title to this post now that I think about it. And I had entirely too many last night in order to drown my sorrows. Sigh.

BeckEye said...

I snag myself on the jagged edges of stupid people being stupid every damn day. So annoying.

Denny DelVecchio said...

F them, Denny just added you. Those extra 3 hits a month should pay the bills, love.

Simon said...

It could have been worse. Being a Brit, and unfamiliar with the term ‘family friendly’, I read your title ‘Fuck Family Friendly’ as being a poorly constructed sentence encouraging people to indulge in incest in an amiable fashion.

I feel there is not enough confusion in the world. Thank you for adding to it in your own small way.

Lola Lakely said...

@BeckEye- I can't tell you how many bruises I have due to jagged edges of stupidity.

@DelVecchio- Please tell me you'll pass the word onto your french family. I have the distict feeling that they won't mind this post. Or this blog. Or my life. The things I would do for three extra hits a month.

@Simon- Poorly constructed sentences encouraging people to indulge in incest in an amiable fashion is one of my favorite things about this blog. Unfortunately confusion is always a side effect. The warning labels just don't do it justice. Although I guess if there is one issue where confusion is apt, it would be amiable incest. Especially down South.

The Barreness said...

"Then I realised that I didn't care"

My long time mantra, kitten.

Well done.


Who the fuck wants to be featured on a family friendly ANYTHING?

- B x

Lola Lakely said...

@The Barreness-

Why hello there gorgeous. I just checked out your site and my, you do fit in well with this naughty little blog.

I'd ask you to stay but it seems you have a wild streak in you akin to mine so I won't take offense.

To not wanting to be featured on a family friendly ANYTHING!

Mr O said...

I'm in lesbians with you

busana muslim said...

I like that that you say {as|like} my friend thanks