Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Lola vs. Tailgating and The One Night Stand

First off all, I need to thank all of you. When I started this ridiculous little blog I had no idea that so many people would read it- let alone actually care about what happens to me in it. But my previous post sparked a lot of concerned emails and support. More than I ever would have imagined. And honestly if I didn't have a gaping black hole where my heart should be, I would be crying. Maybe even real tears. On second thought, I probably would just use the tears of the people whose souls I've destroyed. Seeing as how I keep them in an antique bottle on my dresser.

See, I told you I'm still me. As is painfully evident in the below story.

Kane and I were up early- bright and shiny like new copper pennies- for a football homecoming tailgate extravaganza (which as you might have guessed is the only reason I would be up early on a Saturday). There are few things in life that bring me such unadulterated joy as football tailgating in the fall. The combination of that warm Indian summer sun and the unexpected crisp fall breeze that whips across your skin as you sip an ice cold beer is nearly irresistible.

So driving down to meet the rest of our friends, Kane and I once again had one of our deep, philosophical discussions.

Lola: (looking down at her text messages, groaning) It's this guy again.
Kane: Which guy?
Lola: The guy I slept with who I met on my porch. Why is he still talking to me?
Kane: Maybe he just wants to bone again.
Lola: He invited me to a party. With his friends. In two weeks. That's like premeditated.
Kane: Oh. (pause) What did you say?
Lola: That's the Lakely brigade ND outing and it's also Kane palooza. So that would be a negative. (looking at her phone) Ugh, and he wants to take me to a movie in the middle of the week.
Kane: You have to be the only girl I know who complains when a guy actually wants to date her. (wailing sounds) Waaa. Waaa. This guy actually likes me and wants to spend time with me. Waaa. Waaaa.
Lola: But why can't he just stay firmly in the one night stand category? Why ruin a perfectly good thing?
Kane: What happened to you being open to new experiences?
Lola: Baby steps, Kane. Baby steps.

Yeah, so that was actually the last coherent conversation I remember from that day. I started drinking rum and coke at about 10:30am and um... sort of... didn't stop until after one a.m.

Which brought about some passionate singing...


and switching hats randomly through-out the day...


If I remember correctly, Kane got me to the game, Z managed to drive me home, and somehow I was still in a condition to drink sweet tea vodka with my friend Ry. Where there may have been a brief, albeit intense discussion on how pylons are possibly the coolest things ever invented. At this point, I may also have lost a bet with him and I think I'm now obligated to name my first child pylon.

But I still have absolutely NO idea how I woke up with blue electrical tape on my body. Any takers on this one?


SBG said...

haha oh boy. one nights stands are supposed to be easier to put out than fires.


*uncorked said...

I know for a fact that you have a heart. Because it's permanently attached to my heart. And those tears of the souls you've destroyed? Nah. I think they're tequila tears.

I would tape you up. Maybe I did.

Mr O said...

that antique battle will probably sell for more than the state of California one day.

And I appreciate your baby steps, haha. I feel like we are watching the beginning of a journey. Albeit a journey on a very bumpy road with rum and coke, electrical tape and guys who (gasp) want to be more than one night stands. What are they thinking?

Lola Lakely said...

@SBG I know, right? Why do I have such a hard time putting them out?

@uncorked- Yes but you have been the only one in recent memory who's uncorked my heart. If you were the one with the blue electrical tape, you should have stayed the night. I know i would have broken out the cuddling just for you.

Lovely Mr. O- You think its worth that much? Any chance you could throw out some feelers on who would buy the souls I've destroyed? I could use the cash to burn on my existential journey. Also, care to take a road trip on part of my journey? I could always use the company of a fellow Mumford and Sons lover. Among other things. ;)

TRUEMAN said...

One night stand, coke & rum, blue electrical tape..hmm...Maybe that was a new experience?

*Giving me ideas...See, this is one of the reasons why I read your blog.

linlah said...

by the look of that first picture you were tanked. i want that kind of vision.

Madame DeFarge said...

The tape is to stop you falling apart. Obviously. Because blue is such a nice colour.

Lola Lakely said...

@Trueman- Heh. heh. I don't know if anyone should be getting ideas from reading this blog. Then you'll have all of these people with bruises, superglue, spongebob underwear, and electrical tape running around. Scary stuff.

@linlah- I think that's how I saw everything that day.

@Madame DeFarge- I did not think about it that way. But you are so brilliant. Maybe one of my friends thought enough of me to help tape me back together again.

Denny DelVecchio said...

You know Denny's not worried about you, love.

But just to make sure, you should join me for a Phoenix Coyotes tailgate. Denny will supply the Franzia. You will supply the otherworldly sizzle.

If you want my carphone # hit me up.

Lola Lakely said...

@Denny- Otherworldly sizzle? Good god, I like the sound of that. I like the idea that I can spread that wherever I go. Like fairy dust. Except naughty.

If you provide the Zima, I may consider asking for your digits.

Kate said...

I found your site from That’s Tangly. I love it. I’m going to poke around a little bit, but don’t worry I’ll put everything back where I found it!!

Lola Lakely said...

@Kate- Poke away! I love poking. And thanks for coming over from That's Tangly, which is my other favorite redheaded blog. :)

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

You had me at hello...I mean Tailgating! Just found your blog and you are awesome

Little J said...

Yay for someone else who drinks hard liquor at tailgates! The last one I was at, my beer choices were PBR and Bud Heavy... pass the vodka please!

bluntdelivery said...

i miss you.

that's it.

especially your super smooth skin. and i mean that in a non-silence-of-the-lambs- kinda way

ladytruth said...

Your life just still sounds as good and exciting as ever! Can you detect a hint of nostalgia ... :) Hope to read your next post soon, but then again: look who's talking! Hope you're well

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