Thursday, August 19, 2010

Lola vs. Stupid People Are Annoying

This deviates from the normal sex-fiend alcoholic post but I need to get this off of my chest. Get ready for this bloggers. This is angry, ranting Lola.

I'm not the type of person who actually likes to confide in people about real problems. Dating, alcoholism, and sleeping with random men are easy topics to discuss. Because none of that really means anything to me.

*****Dear Random Men I've Slept with Who Have Somehow Managed to Find this Blog,
I don't mean you. You were/are special to me. Unless I haven't spoken to you in over a year, then you most likely fall into the don't mean anything category. Sorry.
Hugs and Kisses,

But I digress. Once in a blue moon, I decide that this one particular thing in my life gets a bit too hard to handle and I need to talk to someone about it. I feel like this is always a bad idea. I much prefer keeping everything bottled up inside, so that you can unexpectedly lash out at someone with little to no repercussions. That's waaaay healthier. During the course of trying to discuss something that's nearly impossible to put into words, someone said something to me that I find completely and utterly inane.

"Welcome to my world."

You know what always works when trying to comfort someone? Condescension.

Seriously? Welcome to my world? No, my world is not comparable to your world. Mine is infinitely more personal, more effecting, and harder to deal with than yours. Because it's MINE. If I find you worthy enough to actually confide in, I don't want to listen to you welcome me into how much more difficult your life is. Or how your problems are the exact same as mine. Or how you completely relate to what's going on with me. Because it's not. They're not. And you can't.

So what's the proper response?

Offering to kill a hooker.

Only a real friend would do that.


jerrod said...

let's go find one.

Gorilla Bananas said...

This makes no sense. If person A confides in person B, person A should be saying "welcome to my world". I wouldn't kill a hooker for you, but I might hire one for you if you let me watch.

The Other BG said...

I like your point here. This narcissistic "my life is harder than yours" mentality runs rampant in teenagers ("my angst is greater than yours"), peaks in college ("my exams are harder than yours"), and takes a while to wear off ("my job is more like Office Space than yours"). My answer to welcome-to-my world comments is sometimes, if I'm feeling antagonistic, to press the person to describe to me exactly why they think their life sucks, and then I subtly paint them a crybaby. Oh, and I usually don't share feelings with them any more.

By the way, I love posts like this because it shows that *some* people still know what it means to be polite, if not compassionate. Brava. :-)

Trinity said...

Did I cause this one? Cause I didn't mean to if I did. No, wait. This one wasn't me. But I have had something like this happen too. And mine might have been worse. You should call me and we can talk about it.

Clearly, I am kidding. Love you. If you want to rant to someone, I am just a text or call away.

Unknown said...

I love when you call me and we rant together. I would kill 4 hookers and 2 kittens for you. Come back to me.

Laura said...

@jerrod- Yay! You have come to visit me! This fills me with glee. And yes, let's go find one. Can we meet somewhere in the middle?

@gorillas- See, you know how to be a true friend and you are an ape.

@The Other BG- Exactly! And welcome to the comment section of this blog. It's nice to have you. You are spot on. I really had to stop myself from clocking her in the face. And you can bet that I'm not going back to this person anytime soon.

@Trinity- Hahaha, I love it. I may just take you up on that offer one of these days Trinity! Or maybe I'll use my muppet to videoblog about it.

@uncorked- 4 Hookers and 2 Kittens? You rock my world V.

Crazy Newt said...

Ugh. Having to deal with stupid people.... welcomd to my world. Only, the stupid people *I* have to deal with are much stupider than the people *you* have to deal with. Even though Stupider isn't actually a word.

Also, I gave up killing hookers for Lent. And god, it's SO HARD not to do it! Clearly I'm more addicted than I thought.

jerrod said...

yes.. middle me up.

linlah said...

perfectly stated.

owo said...


Which, I realize is a really short and sucky response, but really...that's all. You're right. A-fucking-men.

bluntdelivery said...

baby, come back!

bluntdelivery said...

are you a cancer?

if not, you should be.

we are pretty notorious for having our own conversation with ourselves, as we're supposed to be listening to your problems.

Auri said...

Oh you wild and crazy girl=) I love it!!
BTW... I just finished my post for you! Whew...
Go get it lovely!

Laura said...

@otherworldlyone= There is nothing I like more than A-fucking- men. SO that responce is just fine with me!

@bluntdelivery- I'm a Leo all the way. And I'll come back soon, I promise.

@Auri- I just read it. I had forgotten about my question. Thanks for remembering it! ;)

Dr. Cynicism said...

Killing hookers? Alcoholism? Rampant sex flings? Tequila? Cursing? Oh I'm so in... following you! Great blog!

Laura said...

@ Dr. Cynicism- Yeah, the thought of killing hookers and alcoholism with rampant sex flings always makes me go all in. Thanks for visiting and sticking around.