It's been quite awhile since I've added to my list of dating rules. I bet you've missed my little pearls of wisdom. I was asked recently by a friend how I've managed to avoid emotional entanglements over the past two years. Occasionally, just occasionally, even I experience a chink in my armor. Luckily, I have a sure-fire way to patch it.
Simple Dating Rule #8- Lola's key to avoiding emotional entanglements.
Sleep with someone else. Preferably someone hotter and more interesting. Honestly, interesting can really be taken out of the equation. As long as you have hotter, you're probably fine.
Well, just until they turn crazy. Or start dropping things off on my doorstep, which amuses Kane to no end. He relishes making fun of the fact that I always seem to find the guy who has a penchant for this. I tend to run most of my emotionally bankrupt decisions by Kane so awhile ago, I was having this conversation with him about this guy who was interested in me and who, well, can barely string two sentences together and has a bit of a bad reputation.
Lola: So he's not really that bad.
Kane: (frustrated) Are you even listening to yourself right now? All I hear is blah blah blah... desperate for validation... blah blah blah.
Lola: Not really.
Kane: You're basically saying (severely high-pitched mocking voice) Um, it's not really that he's an asshole, it's just that he's an asshole.
Kane: He has no redeeming qualities. So he's an asshole with NO redeeming qualities. How do you not see a problem with this?
Lola: But he's so pretty.
Simple Dating Rule #9- Never have your facebook open on your phone when a cute guy is asking for your number.
Way too Grown Up For Me Guy: Aww, that's a cute baby picture.
Lola: (confused) Um what?
WTGUFM Guy: Your profile picture, the one with you in the red wagon.
Lola: Oh no, um... that was taken last week.
WTGUFM Guy: ....
Good thing he didn't see the post about me stuffing a dead hooker in the trunk of my friend Kane's car. That might have pushed him over the edge.
Maybe I'm just too immature to date like an adult? 'Cause really, there are just times when I'd rather be chilling on my couch, eating mac and cheese with hot salsa and watching my latest show obsession. Fuck dinner and a movie. How about some mac and cheese, cold beer, and my couch? Followed by some seriously hot sex?