You know it's a good wedding when you wake up with a bow tie around your neck and a red dragon tattoo on your arm.
Actually the whole trip starting out with a bang. Not literally. Get your mind out of the gutter, readers. Wait, what am I saying? This is Lola. Place your mind firmly back in the gutters from whence you came and stay there. Forever.
I met this seriously cute airforce guy and his buddy on the plane, who had missed their earlier flight, and were now forced to sit in front of me/around me as penance. Somehow within the span of a two hour flight, I managed to wrangle myself a ride to the rental car place, a late lunch date on Sunday before my flight home, and a sight-seeing trip. When I met the groom-to-be for drinks at the hotel and filled him in on my eventful flight, he couldn't stop laughing. "Only you, Lola, would fly to Illinois and have a date lined up before you leave. Oh no, you're going to cause some serious trouble tomorrow, aren't you? Can you at least stay away from my brother?"
Oh ye, of little faith!
Unfortunately, I will not be able to divulge all of the trouble, due to protecting the inocent/guilty/criminally drunk. What I can tell you is that it involved the following:
- Getting the wedding guests- including the bridal party- to all get fake tattoos from Wal-Mart (me & one of the ushers)
- Drinking many, many glasses of whiskey and diet coke (me)
- Spanking people with the table setting, which strangely resembled paddles (this actually wasn't me)
- A rental car backing into a stop sign (not me!)
- Losing a rental car (ok, this one was me)
- Creating a fake wedding guest by the name of Ryan, who apparently is a lot like Chuck Norris, to mess with some annoying people (from another wedding) who crashed our wedding after-party on the hotel patio. We ended up being so convincing at describing Ryan that by the end of the conversation, one of the guys was completely brainwashed into thinking that 1) he had actually met fake Ryan 2) had gotten into an argument with Ryan and 3) that Ryan may just be the most terrifying/coolest man in existence.
- Acquiring an unidentified bow-tie. Either from one of the groomsmen or one of the adorably young bartenders. (me)
Two quotes that defined the entire Illinois wedding experience:
"If you licked my carpet right now, I bet it would still taste like frosting." - Awesome Girl I met the night before the wedding. I'll let you determine what she was referring to.
"I don't know what this is but I'm going to stick it in my mouth anyway." - I have no recollection saying this at all. None. Or what the hell I was talking about. Stupid whiskey.Still have no idea whose bow tie it was. Do you think it was a good idea for me to leave it at the front desk of the hotel? I'm sure that made me look stellar.
I bet you're all wondering whether the streak still stands? I will not confirm or deny. But I can tell you that air force guy is no longer seriously cute, due to circumstances he somehow forgot to inform me about. Like being married. And having a son.
#675 on the list of why Lola is still single.
Have a lovely, naughty weekend fellow bloggers.