What is the best part about having degenerate friends?
The sheer fact that no matter what you do, having them around, automatically makes the idiocy that you accomplish pale in comparison.
It's like having one big safety net. My safety net, at least as of late, consists of Kane and PF Cheng. How did I come to this conclusion? Chatting with my friend Charlie. When it comes to derelictity (yeah not a word- but I like the sound of it), he is the master. He is the Miyagi to my Daniel. The Mickey to my Rocky. The Juan Sanchez Villa-Lobos Ramirez to my Connor MacLeod. He has been shaping me in the ways of the young padawan derelict.
After my friend Charlie received an exclusive invitation to attend this special master of whisky tasting event, we had a rather enlightening conversation on what was holding me back from becoming a better degenerate.
Lola: I am very proud to call you my friend after the exclusive invite you received by Master of Whisky.
Charlie: Thank you. Finally my derelict lifestyle has paid off.
Lola: Whisky and Lola are not a good combination. It always leads to trouble.
Charlie: I resemble that statement. Tequila as well. I believe it's because I don't like either. So if there is a situation where I am drinking either of the 2 it's already way too late.
Lola: Very. Very true. And very, very dangerous.
Charlie: Too true.
Lola: However, it's always fun when you are not the one causing the danger. So that you can rib them without mercy. That's always great.
Charlie: I'm usually on the other side of that coin.
Lola: Actually it's been Kane or PF Cheng lately. So I've been safe.
Charlie: Well yeah hanging with those two is a huge handicap. Lol.
Lola: Hahaha. I LOVE it. No matter what I do, it just doesn't compare.
Charlie: Yup you would have to lose an appendage, or wind up in a Thai prison to top them.
Lola: You win the "degenerate friend of the day" comment.
Lola: My little conversations with you make life worth living.
Charlie: Awww thank you. That and the fact that my day at work is over made me so happy
Lola: You do realize, that this needs to go up on my blog right?
Charlie: Uh oh. My mother always told me that one day my actions would be influential in the writing of a blog and several state laws.
After a fight which started because I misspelled the word Mogwai and lead to the foundation of our relationship cracking and eventually the defriending of me off of facebook, we continued our conversation.
Lola: Ok, if it will rebuild the fragile strand of friendship that remains, I will commit to a derelict act.
Charlie: Yes! I am doing evil, Mr Burns like writhing of my hands as I text this.
Lola: I would hope so.
Charlie: I try my best not to disappoint
Lola: No, that's apparently my job.
Charlie: Well now, come on, if you are really that good at something is it really work?
Lola: Wow, so now according to my friends I am really good at disappointment and leaving a path of destruction in my wake. Nice.
Charlie: Join the club. That's how I built my reputation. I can never disappoint because of what is now expected of me.
Lola: Low expectations are key. Got it.
Due to my penchant for abusing whisky, I have had some strip club mania, several bouts of random sex (okay, more than several), the occasional dating of would be serial killers or crazy men in uniform, skinny dipping in the ocean with a hockey team but apparently all of this just isn't enough for my SDB (sensei of derelict behaviour).
Just what do I have to do to gain my sensei's respect and tear my safety net to shreds? The clock is ticking and I need to accomplish this feat this weekend or my friendship with SDB just might be irreparable.
So I turn to you, dear readers, for your most inventive suggestions.