Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Lola vs. Lola-isms of Wisdom

Hello there bloggosphere. I know, I know, I have been a very, very bad girl. Not only has it been over a month since I've made a post but I haven't even answered the concerned emails. The slightly veiled threats. However, I am foolishly counting on your love for this naughty redhead to be big and boundless enough to forgive my transgression.

I could beg. I could plead. I could tell you that you complete me. Or that you are the other half of that best friend necklace I had when I was a kid. But then you would just think that I was trying to get you into bed. And really, I do not want to cheapen our relationship.

I could blame it on work. Or family. Or the weather. Or the drinking profusely and thus not remembering any actual events enough to blog about them. But that would just add insult to injury. And so I won't.

Instead, I'd like to clue you in on a few definitions, or Lola-isms, that have sprung up during my hiatus:

"Throne of Lies"
The chair that my dad and my uncle sat upon during my entire childhood. I say throne because they put such effort behind their fabrications that they really do deserve to be crowned for their achievements. There was the "you almost had a Mexican Uncle who lived with us for a year but he ran away because he was too afraid that your grandparents wouldn't adopt him and we spent months fruitlessly searching for him" lie. There was the "we buried Indian arrowheads in the ground so that you kids could find them and thus show them off during show-and-tell only to have the teacher find out that they were made in Taiwan and never trusted your innocent 5 year old self again" lie. And perhaps my personal favorite, the " Since your great-grandfather helped design and build Shea stadium, they graciously named it after him which is why we we were bestowed box seats on the third baseline" lie. My dad got hours upon hours of amusement out of this one because I perpetuated his story by telling not, one, but ALL of my friends this proudly throughout high school. Family sucks.

"Drunkitemizing"- The act of finding random things in your pockets/purse/car (sometimes all three) after a night of drinking and you have absolutely no idea how they got there or in some cases what they are. Like the strange rubber green frog I found in my purse. It is currently standing on my desk with a smug, judgemental grin. Its origins remain a mystery to this day.

"A Lola Night"- Drinking three drinks in the time it takes everyone else to drink one. It is almost always proceeded by the words "Uh, Oh." or "Shit, it's another". Alas, I can't take credit for this one. Kane was the one who coined this phrase.

"Fred"- My intense fear of relationships. Yes, it has its own name. Yes, I name things. And no, I do not have conversations with Fred. I'm an incredibly passionate person with that irritating quality we call loyalty, so when I'm in, I'm usually all in- which is exactly where Fred comes in. He likes to remind me of my need for an exit strategy when said passion threatens to overwhelm good sense. A shot of patron for you, Fred.

"Dirtylicious"- a) An intriguing combination of dirty, luscious, and vicious. Occasionally used to describe my sense of humor, among other things. b) Keane's mash-up cover of Bootylicious, by Destiny's Child, and Dirty, by Christina Aguilara .

This last random fact goes out to a very special reader, who has always loved my random questions. Thanks for the music this week, luv.

Fun Lola Fact #347- I love to cook. I love to sing. I often do these two things together. In Notre Dame boxers and a tank top. And ok, I admit it, there may be some dancing involved. But only when stirring my pasta sauce.

And what would a Lola post be without the drunk text of the month? The winner of this, is sadly not myself, but a friend of mine whose text so eloquently said, "You are snow drink the time with me?" No clue what this means and that is awesome.

Now I'm off, fellow bloggers, to shower you with some much deserved love and sloppy kisses.


Mr O said...

Something told me "Mr O, check blogger before you go to sleep" and BEHOLD: A post from my favorite redhead :)

I love getting to know some of these Lola-isms. Though I know we are all supposed to be witty and funny here, but Fred is my least favorite of all these. Overwhelming good sense makes for good times. But hey, at least it makes for interesting stories, right?

I've missed your RQ's. Just sayin.

I've missed you. Just sayin.

The image of you in boxers and a tank top, cooking spaghetti while singing/dancing is the one I will carry with me as I draw my night to a close. Just sayin.

Laura said...

Lovely Mr. O- Behold! Believe me I have had my senses overwhelmed several times in the past year but alas none of it had to do with being in a relationship. And what kind of Lola post would it be without some sort of mention of my fear of commitment? Maybe some day, I will change my wicked ways. I'll have to come up with some good RQ's, since I've been so absent.

There's nothing I like better than being the image that draws your night to a close. Just sayin. ;)

Unknown said...

Oh Lola, my heart has ached for your return. And I haven't received any text messages lately that I need vodka to decipher. I've been away from blogging for a bit too, been really busy and slightly homicidal. Okay, definitely not "slightly."

My mother and my grandfather always told me that my mom's side came from Eastern European royalty. I used to tell all my friends I was a princess, and that I always felt it, but now it was confirmed. Recently I found out that their definition of "royalty" actually meant pig farmers. It hurts. I feel your pain.

BUT, luckily, I'm Hungarian royalty on my dad's side and until I find out otherwise, I'm still a princess goddamn it.

LYLAS. See you next weekend???

Candice said...

Absolutely loved your comment on my blog. <3 Blog more often, kk?

Laura said...

@uncorked- I am so sorry that my absense caused your heart to ache. I would promise again to never be absent from the bloggosphere but I am a cruel, fickle mistress. And you are still a princess goddamn it.

I believe so!

@Candice- I know, I know! As I said, bad girl etc, etc. But I do adore you. I'll have to stalk you again soon.

Simon said...

Being a teller of tales, I think that The Throne of Lies deserves the greatest notice. I don’t think that people truly appreciate the value of being related beguiling fantasies. ‘Lies’, they call them, but I call them ‘Embellishments of the Truth’, which makes them more valuable than verisimilitude, and probably easier to pronounce.

linlah said...

When I was a kid and the lights would flicker in the house my dad said it was because fish were going over the hydro-electric dam. But I didn't repeat that one.

Laura said...

@Simon- It is kind of hard to ignore the throne of lies. I think they would agree and quite possibly justify it by saying "improving on already found data."

@linlah- I'm glad you didn't. Although I hope this gives you the confidence to lie to others with just as much creativity as your father did.

BeckEye said...

Did your dad and uncle smell like beef and cheese, too? :)

Off topic, would you ever consider switching your comment format to the pop up window or the full page? For some reason, I can never get this embedded comment box to work with Firefox. (I'm using IE right now for the purpose of leaving this comment but I hate using IE.) I don't know if everyone with Firefox has this problem or if it's just me. I've tried turning off pop up windows and all kinds of stuff, but nothing works.

Marty Wombacher said...

"You are snow drink the time with me?"

Ha ha ha! I love that quote and this was a fun blog. I hope you post more regularly Lola!

Laura said...

@BeckEye- Add in a handfull of onions and you would be correct! That's strange. I'll check out FF to see how it messes it up. I'm not married to this format, so whatever works.

@Marty- I've been so bad about posting lately. I promise to do better. Or face the wrath of Marty. Cause I imagine you have some pretty good wrath.

blunt delivery said...

ah. we do have the same amazing brain, dont' we?

this post is good and great and all. and i love your lolaisms. but uh, my main concern is WHEN ARE YOU GETTING TO CHICAGO!?!?!

my heart aches for you.

Marty Wombacher said...

I have the grapes of wrath and the whine to prove it, Lola!

mo.stoneskin said...

If only you know how many Lola Night's we've been having as we deal with your absence. You should be more sorry really. To be honest, if you had been digging up arrowheads and that was why you've been missing I would have forgiven you...

Jeanette said...

A) I'm glad I have already heard stories about the throne of lies, hahaha

and B) Here is a series of texts I still have saved on my phone:

You: sjhdbdhhd
Me: Lol I love these texts
You: Conceratauin t
Me: Lol I love you haha
You: Sometimes you just virrNwatcj c
Me: I'll ask you tomorrow what you meant haha
You: Yhuesg winwtinse Theresa a thing that makes you'd sant wjrhjb you understand right
You: People
Me: Sure haha
You: H. Dera o
Me: So good night eh?
You: Z
Me: Well I can't wait to hear stories tomorrow

Bhahhah I can't get enough of it.

Surprisingly Bright said...

But, but I thought I was the other half of that best friend necklace you had when you were a kid.

Madame DeFarge said...

Well, you were missed. It was a struggle, but we came through stronger and better people.

Laura said...

Dearest Blunt Delivery of My Soul,

Yes. We share a brain. This fills my heart with such, deep joy. And get ready because I'll be there in July. Oh yes, I will.

Your dearest, most devoted Lola

Laura said...

@Marty- I bet you do! If I wasn't so hung over and unable to move, I would be shaking in my preverbial boots.

@mostoneskin- I am so sorry that you've been forced to be subjected to Lola nights while I have been absent. Shame on me, indeed. I may never forgive myself.

@Jeanette- Oh dear. Again, I should not be allowed to be near my phone when I'd drunk. It's just insane.

@Surprisingly Bright- There is enough of Lola to go around!

@Madame DeFarge- You are too kind. That is a struggle I no longer want to put you through though so I am going to try my best.

words...words...words... said...

Wow. I've had many Lola nights without even realizing what they were called! Thank you. Now I can put a name to my shame.