My Wednesday morning consisted of an electrical fire at work knocking out all of our servers and phones, a tiny Asian man, two inappropriate text messages and an Asexual Meat Kitchen.In any case I was sitting at my desk as the servers were still down and alarm bells shrieked occasionally in the distant hallway, when my iPhone made that delightful little bubbling sound, indicating a new message. You can imagine my delight when I leaned over to find:
And yes, in fact the tiny Asian man and inappropriate text message numero uno go hand in hand, thanks to my dear friend Kane. Who, making fun of me for my irrational attachment to Nathan Drake in Uncharted 2 and my new LED TV, pretended to masturbate to the aforementioned software and hardware combo while I was on the phone ordering Thai food in preparation for our Lost premier shindig. I ran into the kitchen in the hopes of escaping him but, alas, he was diabolical in his pursuit and ended up chasing me around the island several times. Emitting high-pitched squeals and grunts that any subway masturbating hobo would be proud of. All of this occurred while the tiny Asian man was shouting, "That all?... That all?... That all?" into my ear via my distorted phone connection.
Yes, I know what you are thinking. That Kane dude can surely multi task.
Kane's Text: oh goddddd! thai delivery man! yeaaaahhhhhh! rock my world you tiny asian, man you! yyyeeaaahhh!
Lola's response: You are way more interesting than the electrical fire that occurred at work an hour ago.
The second message was also sexual in nature, however it had to do with a certain part of my anatomy and a promise. I'm not sure what to make of this one since it involves someone I haven't hung out with on a consistent basis for at least 10 years. This offer was also followed by some pretty heavy and outstanding compliments, which make me a little nervous. So in true Run-Lola-Run fashion, I'm fast forwarding to another text message exchange from Kane later that night after my request to play online with him.
Kane's Text: If you would like to join a party, there is one in my pants.
Lola's response: I hear there's a little Asian man in there already!
As for the last bit of the story I implore you, dear readers, to get in on the action. I was listening to a new musical obsession of mine, the boys from Glasgow Biffy Clyro, whose new album hasn't come out in the states yet. I hadn't heard any of their previous songs so I decided to check them out. I came across the most brilliant ,yet, disturbing title:
Asexual Meat Kitchen.
Now I have some ideas as to what this could be (especially considering my Kane story above), but I thought it would be more fun to have you guys define it. So have at it, Lola followers, and make me proud!