- I got called a "walking human resource violation". Not really sure what to make of this, other than ooops?
- I had an intensely, insane monkey-sex dream about a co-worker. This is always interesting when you have absolutely never thought of the co-worker in any sort of sexual capacity and then your mind is completely and utterly changed by one moment of lewd subconscious thought. What makes this situation even better is when he never, ever stops by your office and then suddenly in the span of one day (the day directly after your crazy sexual fantasy) he stops by three times. Is there some sort of sexual psychic wave-length frequency that I am missing out on? And then the next question is, where do I sign up for that feed?
- I scared the hell out of a 91 year old man whilst cheering like a maniac over my Irish boys. He later claimed that it did his heart good to be next to a young woman who was so... exuberant. Wearing a tight-shirt and jumping up and down next to him wasn't mentioned.
- I realized that I will sleep with someone purely and utterly because they have an accent. And honestly if you can fake a good one, you may even make the list.
- I'm pretty sure my liver hot-wired an ATM. My friend Johnny and I were running from one bar to the next and I had the sudden epiphany that I needed to acquire some more cash in order to fulfill my drinking needs. The transaction went pretty normal until instead of my receipt, I received a huge flashing message that said HEALTH CHECK IN PROGRESS! I swear to god this happened. I didn't realize that my own liver had resorted to infiltrating our banking system in order to get me to stop my wicked ways. Sigh.
- Apparently we thought it was a FANTASTIC idea (I put this in all caps because I'm pretty sure I yelled it at the top of my lungs in the bar) that we pour hot wax over my friend James' arm. Technically my friend Ian did the pouring so I can't really be blamed. Although I'm sure me chanting "Do it! Hot Wax!" didn't help defuse the situation. Good thing the owner had a thing for me otherwise we probably would have been kicked out. At least I'm assuming he did as he kept shoving his card into my hands. And by card I don't mean cock. (this part is dedicated to V , my future sister-in law.)
- My Robin Hood (aka Robin Ho) costume has arrived. I am currently preparing to release my inner ho-bag for All Hallows Eve.
And after typing about a few of the events/thoughts, I realized that 85.7% of these bullets have to do with sex.
I am hopeless. Less than hopeful. Have a naughty weekend fellow bloggers.