Over the weekend I found out that my dad is a degenerate. Actually, this shouldn't really come as a big shock to me because before the age of fifty, he "retired" early from a rather high position at a company in order to become a master scuba diver. And yes, the word retired definitely deserves air quotes. As you can tell, I'm not bitter at all about it. Nope, no bitterness here (she writes with clenched teeth)!
I abandoned my typical not-getting-up-off-the-couch-Fat-Sunday plans to see The Blind Side (damn those motivational sports movies and their irritating ability to warm my otherwise cold, dead heart!!!) with my father. As we are chatting in his car, he casually slips in that he "double-dips" at the movies.
Lola: (looking at him suspiciously out of the corner of her eye) You do what now?
Lola's sister: (from the backseat) I double-dip my cucumbers.
Lola: (turns to her dad) You dip your popcorn into your soda or something?
Dad: No, I pay for one movie and see two or three.
Lola: (in disbelief) Wait- let me get this straight-you sneak into movies now?
Dad: (by way of explanation) No, movie prices are outrageous!
Lola: What do you mean, no? You're not paying for the movies. Essentially, you're stealing.
Dad: (laughing) I prefer to think of it as double-dipping.
Lola: (exasperated) So you've said. (shaking her head) All these years, I've looked up to you. My opinion of you has been forever changed.
At nearly 60 years of age, my dad carefully examines the newspaper and plots out his schedule, adapting methods that probably haven't been implemented since the Napoleonic wars, for the express purpose of sneaking into two or three movies. However, during one of these infamous "double-dipping" sessions, he came across a slight hitch in his plans.
When my dad merrily snuck into see A Christmas Carol, a satisfied smile on his bearded face, he looked around and noticed that there was something odd about the people around him. They were all wearing 3-d glasses, which they had gotten when they had PURCHASED a ticket. This left my dad in a quandary. He couldn't go back to the desk to request the aforementioned glasses, because then the theater folk would know that he circumvented their ticketing system.
So he did the only thing he could.
He snuck back out of the movie and walked across the hall to a giant blue bin with a sign that pleaded: "Please Return Your 3-D Glasses Here!". His eyes darted back and forth, making sure the coast was clear, and then he stuck his hand down the bin. He brandished the pair of glasses, placed them on his nose triumphantly, and then promptly smuggled himself back inside the theater.
And this, dear readers, is the man I am supposed to have received my moral values from.
Before I leave all of you for the Thanksgiving Holiday, I would like to give a very special shout-out to one of my readers. I received a wonderful surprise from one of you (you know who you are!) and I wanted to send lots of naughtiness, love, and flirtations glances your way because getting it in the mail yesterday brightened up this red-head's day! So I am sending you big, sloppy kisses.
Have a naughty day, fellow bloggers.
P. S. Has anyone else heard of using the words double-dipping in reference to sneaking into a movie? Or do we need to add this to the urban dictionary?