Friday, November 6, 2009

Lola vs. Being Aggressive and More of Kane's Wisdom Nuggets

Of course I ran Saturday's Halloween Shenanigans experience with Zombie and company by Kane. As always his opinion is generally amusing, quirky, and always honest, so once again I thought I'd write about it here. Kane's been an essential part of my blog from the beginning and he may even warrant a separate section so that you can benefit from his nuggets of wisdom and sage advice. And by sage I mean judgmental.

Kane: I've never known you to be subconscious about stuff like this.
Lola: Well, that's cause I'm not used to losing my mind over a pair of glasses. Plus, I certainly don't want to be crazy, desperate girl who goes around molesting people.
Kane: Did you tell him you wanted a relationship? Or babies?
Lola: (gagging sound) Oh good God, no.
Kane: Then you're safe. Besides we're easy.
Lola: Men, you mean?
Kane: Yup. We put girls into two categories. (waits a beat) You're not going to ask me about the categories?
Lola: Well yes but I was just waiting for the inevitable 'you're a guy, you should know this stuff' insult that is usually thrown at me.
Kane: (ignores her) Anyway, the two categories you women fall into are Fuckable and Non- fuckable.
Lola: (laughing) Yeah, this is definitely going on my blog. (pause) Tell me more, sensei.
Kane: Actually, we should mark you with either a red or a black dot. Red means fuckable and black is for the non-fuckable population.
Lola: Does the mark have to be on our foreheads?
Kane: No.
Lola: Then I guess I'm ok with that. (thinking) You should really come equipped to the bars with magic markers then.
Kane: Yeah, we should. You do realize that you women have the easy part in all of this. All you have to do is be there. We're the ones who need to convince you we're not psychos or dicks who only put girls in two categories.
Lola: So basically you're telling me molestation is not desperation.
Kane: Exactly. (pause) Wait... your parents don't read your blog, do they?
Lola: Naah, I cut off their subscriptions when it became increasingly apparent that their daughter has become an alcoholic sex fiend. (pause) Yaaay!

Hope you enjoyed this week's installment of Kane's Wonderful Words of Wisdom. Tune in next week when he discusses antidisestablishmentarianism. Take that blog spell check!

Have a naughty weekend, fellow bloggers.


Anonymous said...

I am having one already! What about you, Lola?

Hunter said...

That Kane is quite the sage.

The London Loves said...

once you're in a category.. do you STAY in the category? ask Kane, he seems wise! I will make the weekend as naughty as I can while I am working! x

Mr O said...

yea, tell spell check to suck it

My weekend is going to be boring, but the good kind. Except, far from naughty. So hopefully you have enough for the both of us.

It should be understood that I want to hang out with you one day before I die (consider it on my bucket list). But I might have to ask for Kane to be there as well

tennysoneehemingway said...

He's right but there are also subtle differences that he hasn't let you in on. Under 'Fuckable' you need also include 'Fuckable but I'd never pull you in a million years, so why even bother?' and 'Unfuckable, but see me after 12 pints.'

ChinkyGirLMeL said...

lols! hahahaha...I wonder which category I fall under. does he go about categorizing them? what are the criterias? lols. hehehehehe...have a fun weekend sweetie. =)

Anonymous said...

I need a Kane in my life to tell me I'm on the right track. Can I borrow him? Or maybe clone him?

The Peach Tart said...

Kane is a great friend to have

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

And I have always been told that if a woman wanted some, she only had to let a guy know~! That pretty much no matter how fugly a girl was she could get some. I think Kane has some 'splainin to do.

Laura said...

@Secretia- I always have one! I'm glad to hear yours is shaping up nicely. ;)

@Hunter- He is.

@TheLondonLoves- I'll ask him tonight. He's supposed to be here by now. My guess is that he will say that it depends.

Lovely Mr. O,

I often tell spell check to suck it. Blogger spell check is like the worst. I'm already tired from my weekend. That is bad! I made a bucket list? Gosh, I have WAY too much to live up to. Oh the pressure.

@Tennyson- Brilliant deduction!!! Particularly the "Unfuckable but see me after 12 pints." Although, I believe for everyone it varies, the pint thing. Kane has given one of the guys I hooked up with the moniker of "Lamppost boy." As in I was so drunk I would have made out with a lamppost. How bad is that?

@ChinkGirlMel- I feel like I am goign to have him guest post to explain the intricacies of his argument.

@CoolasFolk- You can certainly borrow him. He is my wisdom dispenser and I feel like the rest of the world is cheated by not having him tout his philosophy.

@Peach- He is! I think I'll keep him around.

@HappyHour- I think the categories are vastly mismatched. The fuckable category is a lot bigger than the nonfuckable category.

Ellie said...

OOOh, I like it.

Anonymous said...

Weird, thought i had commented before. does non-fuckable mean girlfriend material? just wondering.

Laura said...

@Ellie- Thank you kindly.

@angryredhead- Wouldn't that be the perfect girlfriend? The fuckable and the loyal, and the intelligent? Kane seems to think so.

Hannah Miet said...

This makes me worry a lot less about being a psychopath.

Or is there a separate category for fuckable psychopaths?


Laura said...

@Hannah- You are priceless. Can I say that due to the email/comments that perhaps we may have a visitor tomorrow to answer some questions? Intrigued?

JR Moreau said...

A drive-by molestation by Lola.. watch out!

Laura said...

@JR Moreau- Perhaps, I should just carry around a warning sign with me.

Maryx said...