Friday, October 30, 2009

Lola vs. This Week in Review... in Hot Wax

Some of the things that have happened to a naughty red head in the past week:
  • I got called a "walking human resource violation". Not really sure what to make of this, other than ooops?
  • I had an intensely, insane monkey-sex dream about a co-worker. This is always interesting when you have absolutely never thought of the co-worker in any sort of sexual capacity and then your mind is completely and utterly changed by one moment of lewd subconscious thought. What makes this situation even better is when he never, ever stops by your office and then suddenly in the span of one day (the day directly after your crazy sexual fantasy) he stops by three times. Is there some sort of sexual psychic wave-length frequency that I am missing out on? And then the next question is, where do I sign up for that feed?
  • I scared the hell out of a 91 year old man whilst cheering like a maniac over my Irish boys. He later claimed that it did his heart good to be next to a young woman who was so... exuberant. Wearing a tight-shirt and jumping up and down next to him wasn't mentioned.
  • I realized that I will sleep with someone purely and utterly because they have an accent. And honestly if you can fake a good one, you may even make the list.
  • I'm pretty sure my liver hot-wired an ATM. My friend Johnny and I were running from one bar to the next and I had the sudden epiphany that I needed to acquire some more cash in order to fulfill my drinking needs. The transaction went pretty normal until instead of my receipt, I received a huge flashing message that said HEALTH CHECK IN PROGRESS! I swear to god this happened. I didn't realize that my own liver had resorted to infiltrating our banking system in order to get me to stop my wicked ways. Sigh.
  • Apparently we thought it was a FANTASTIC idea (I put this in all caps because I'm pretty sure I yelled it at the top of my lungs in the bar) that we pour hot wax over my friend James' arm. Technically my friend Ian did the pouring so I can't really be blamed. Although I'm sure me chanting "Do it! Hot Wax!" didn't help defuse the situation. Good thing the owner had a thing for me otherwise we probably would have been kicked out. At least I'm assuming he did as he kept shoving his card into my hands. And by card I don't mean cock. (this part is dedicated to V , my future sister-in law.)
  • My Robin Hood (aka Robin Ho) costume has arrived. I am currently preparing to release my inner ho-bag for All Hallows Eve.

And after typing about a few of the events/thoughts, I realized that 85.7% of these bullets have to do with sex.


I am hopeless. Less than hopeful. Have a naughty weekend fellow bloggers.

30 comments:

*uncorked said...

Yes! I love hot wax stories. Especially since I tried to shoot a candle instead of a shot over the weekend too. Oh sister. I can't wait until our families are united in one life-long gigantic dysfunctional ugly sweater party.

Lola Lakely said...

@uncorked- YES! Cheers to dysfuctional ugly sweater parties. And, how about your Rapunzel and my Robin Ho get together and slut it up?

*uncorked said...

That would be hot.

The Peach Tart said...

Sounds like a hell of a fun week.

Mr. Condescending said...

A lot of weird sh*t going on, huh! The ATM was pretty funny, and I'm surprised the old man didn't have a heart attack!

I want the sexual ESP power you have Lola, if I talk like pepe le pew will you give me it!?

Trinity said...

For the love of all things good and proper in this world, you have to post a picture of you as Robin Ho. I am not kidding. I want to see that.

Secretia said...

Ther IS a sexual psychic wavelength, and you are on it!

Secretia

Simon said...

You are one of the few people who have found out the truth: that Robin Hood was a female transvestite and a complete slut. It gladdens my English heart that you intend honouring her in the way she truly was.

otherworldlyone said...

Re the accents: Me too. It's shameful, but I find I don't care.

I hope you have a kick ass weekend, get laid, and take lots of pictures...of the costumes, not the getting laid part.

Gorilla Bananas said...

My guess is your co-worker had the same dream you did. There are subtle ways of finding out.

Lola Lakely said...

@Peach Tart- Let's just see if I can keep it up through the weekend. I may not survive.

@Mr. C- I know! Apparently his ticker is in excellent condition. Sexual ESP. Best super power ever. Maybe that should have been my costume. Sexual ESP Girl. Ok, so I should have elaborated on the accent thing. Southern, Scottish, Irish, English, and Spanish need apply.

@Trinity- Your wish... let's just see how flattering the pictures are first. Then I'll post. Although the corset makes for nice photography.

@Secretia- New sexual RSS feed, available from this naughty redhead.

@Simon- I KNEW it! This makes me so happy that you are able to confirm my deep rooted suspicions. My heart is light. My bow is strung and my skirt is very, very short.

@otherworldlyone- I know, i feel like a silly stupid American girl because of it. But I can't help it. It's a sickness

@Gorilla- Hmmm, that would make for a very interesting work week. What do you suggest Bananas?

mysterg said...

I had a similar dream last night/this morning...can't wait for work on Wednesday! Oh and have I mentioned I'm British?

Lola Lakely said...

@mysterg- You have to love the unexpected. My sexual ESP is apparently heightened. You're British? Hmmm...this sounds very delicious. I am intrigued. Tell me more...hopefully in that accent of yours.

*uncorked said...

I will be with you in spirit tomorrow my lovely Robin Ho. Hopefully we all have some wonderful stories for Monday blogging :)

Hannah Miet said...

I love those fantasies that pop out of nowhere and suddenly take over your mind. They are the yummiest, most unexpected kind. Nom nom nom.

Did you figure out what that ATM thing meant? The whole idea kind of creeps me out.

Mysterg's comment on my last post, combined with your last comment on my last post, combined with this post (gasps for air) have me thinking of a Robin Ho, Slutty Minnie, and Mysterg menage a trois.

Except I don't know what Mysterg looks like. So I'm actually picturing a slutty Minnie and Robin Ho trysting with a Magritte painting with a British accent.

blunt delivery said...

Dearest inspiration for all that i do,

i completely know what you are talking about with the dreams. isn't that crazy?!?! it's like the most random person that you never ever thought about and then BAM you wanna corner them in the hallway.

odd.

i have those dreams about you too, of course.

lovingly til the end of time,

blunt.

Mr. Condescending said...

Woo hoo for mysterg!

The Vegetable Assassin said...

You know, re: your dream, I was JUST talking about this very subject the other day with someone, about how you can have a bad dream about someone or a good dream or a sexy dream and it colours your whole perception of the person sometimes. Which is sort of scary in a way. When I think about my coworkers I shudder to think of getting jiggy with any of them. I mean not even a dream can change that. Truly.

angryredhead said...

Even someone with a dirty Newfie accent?

I LOVE the ATM thing. Freaking hilarious.

Lola Lakely said...

@uncorked- I'll be doing a shot with Rapunzel in mind. Also, a shot to my boobs staying in my corset.

@Hannah- I have absolutely no idea what that ATM thing meant. No clue. But I was in the village when it happened. Hahaha, trysting with the Magritte painting. Nice! Something I can cross of my list!

Dearest Broom Without which I would Never Be Able To Fly,

I know! It is quite ridiculous and now all I can think of is cornering him in the copy room.

Your dearest, most devoted witch,

Lola


@Mr. C- I say A woohoo to you! What are you going to be for Halloween?


@The Vegetable Assassin- Maybe this sexual dream about inappropriate people is fast becoming an epidemic. I have talked to several people where dreams (not just sexual) have colored the way think about people. it is scary. My company is so big, it's impossible not to have some attractive people in the mix.

@angryredhead- I still have absolutely no idea what it means. I'm pretty sure I should be a lot more afraid than I am.

Happy Halloween everyone! What is everyone going as?

WhiteSockGirl said...

I realized that I will sleep with someone purely and utterly because they have an accent. And honestly if you can fake a good one, you may even make the list.

'Sigh', double 'Sigh',... You and me both. With an accent everything sounds different, means something else. Like he would say, 'Can you pass me the glass', and I would hear, 'Drop your panties so that we can have monkey wild sex'.

Lola Lakely said...

@WhiteSocketGirl- Yeah, I translate everything they say into something dirty because accents get me every time.

Mr. Condescending said...

Dr Naughty and the night nurses.

Tennyson ee Hemingway said...

A few times I've had a dream where I've cheated on Lady Hem and I always wake up feeling incredibly guilty. Isn't gonna happen though. I'd never, ever do that. It stills feels weird though.

Cool as Folk said...

When you said "card", I was totally thinking cock.

AND I'd definitely sleep with a person solely for their accent, too. I've been contemplating how to pounce on the British boy in my English class for weeks now. *strokes chin*

Matthew said...

An ATM once offered to read my fortune. I politely declined.

Kate said...

Sounds like a great week!

Lola Lakely said...

@Tennyson- Every time you comment, I like you more and more. Lady Hem is a lucky woman.

@Cool as Folk- That's kind of why I wrote it. The cock/card bit. My weakness lies within in wire-rimmed glasses and an accent. It's like my kryptonite.

@Matthew- I am not sure whether I had the choice to decline the health check. I ran away before any further shenanigans could occur.

@Kate- It was. However, last night beat everything that happened this week in spades!

Mr O said...

Even though it's not a foreign one, I have a slight accent. I have even been told it is "delicious." I'm not sayin, but I'm just sayin...

Robin Ho? That's honestly one I haven't seen before. Maybe I will???

Isn't sexual tension at the workplace awesome? I agree with one of the above comments, whose to say he didn't the same dream? Is it bad that my head immediately goes to "if something were to happen between the two that would make a great blog post"?

Lola Lakely said...

Dearest Mr. O,

You do, and I can confirm as to the deliciousness of said accent. ;)

You will. I am planning on posting pics in my next post due to the amount of requests. Sexual Tension is one of the best things ever. And it's even hotter in the workplace because you know you can't do anything. And I don't think there is anything bad about that head of yours. Why does that sound dirty to me?