Lola's Simple Dating Rule # 5- I'm guessing that the correct response when Guy A says, "I want to come over and cook you a nice dinner." probably isn't "Ummm, why?"
Lola's Simple Dating Rule # 6- When Guy B says,"Can I stay over?" you really shouldn't shoot back, "Either way is fine with me, dude."
And last but not least...
Lola's Simple Dating Rule # 7- Never, ever reply to Guy C's "I'm missing something." with an "Oh god, please say it's not your wallet."
Recently I made the attempt to make myself less weary when men are nice to me. As the above evidence suggests, this attempt failed. Rather miserably. Now, I'm a little confused as to why this is. I don't think that all men deserve to be punished for one big, bad experience because I have a tight circle of male friends who I, quite honestly, think the absolute world of.
But for some reason, generally around the third or even second date, I panic. And it's not deer-in-the-headlights panic, it's more along the lines of help-me-I-need-to-move-to-Yemen-and-change-my-name panic.
So I made the mistake of asking my friend Kane, after a few beers (of course), why he thought I was like this and what, if anything, I could do from stopping Yemen mode. And so he imparted to me his own particular brand of wisdom.
Kane: Why don't you do what I do when I want to get out of a relationship?
Lola: Even though it has absolutely nothing to do what I just asked you, go ahead.
Kane: Wake up in Vegas, handcuffed naked to a stranger.
Lola: Oh right, Natalie. (shakes her head) But what if I want to actually try and extract myself from panic mode?
Kane: (bursts out into laughter) No, you don't. (thinking) Plus, I'm not going to give you advice for that kind of thing.
Lola: Well, why not?
Kane: Because it's too much fun to watch you freak out. And I benefit from the shit they send you. Like that fruit basket that one guy sent you with the pineapples shaped like stars and the chocolate covered strawberries.
Lola: That guy wasn't dating me though. He threw up in my sink.
Kane: Oh, right. (considering) Is that the same guy who threw up on your futon?
Lola: No, different guy.
Kane: What about that guy who threw up off your porch? The one your friend found passed out by Hot Bagels, bleeding.
Lola: God, I never realized how many people have vomited at my house. (pause) Ugh, this is exactly why I'm fucked up. I go from dating to vomiting in 2.5 seconds.