My sister has just won the award for Best Use of Procrastination In A Work Day Production and/or Variety Hour. She earned this award for sending me the below email while she was toiling away in the corporate marketplace:
Subject Line: I have just spent the past half hour taking facebook quizzes...
And this is what I found out:
- My IQ is 150 and I am brilliant
- My celebrity boyfriend is Ben Affleck
- My favorite color is RED
- I am going to marry someone whose name begins with a K
- The 2009 song that I am is “Kiss Me through the phone” by Soulja Boy
- Kallie Mae is my Red-neck name followed of course by my ghetto name Nae Nae and to top it all off my Native American Indian name Strong Heart
And lastly for that question I know you have been dying to ask me for years now… what famous black woman am I? ---– it’s Beyonce Knowles!
I have learned so much today about myself, what an enlightening day.
I decided I had to procrastinate right back at her with:
Subject Line: I just spent 20 minutes responding to your message and this is what I came up with...
Dear Sasha Fierce,
To think I was once living under the same roof as the singer of such hits as Single Ladies and Bootylicious! I don't know how you concealed your identity for such a long time but it must have something to do with your ability to bear the mantel of so many different personalities. There were times when I could have sworn sharing a bathroom with Nae Nae would have been impossible indeed if it hadn't been for Strong Heart always being the mediator.
I was also surprised to learn that your current IQ qualifies you for the prestigious positions that men such as Lincoln, Copernicus, and Jefferson have held in the past. But instead you chose to follow the music within you.
I'm a little bit disconcerted by the fact that you define yourself not by one of your multi-platinum hits but by Soulja Boy. At the very least it should have been Nigga What, Nigga Who by your husband- unless you guys are splitsville. Could it be because your boyfriend Ben Affleck got in the way? You really kept that one under the radar.
I see you are already planning on your next husband. Oh Kallie Mae, you naughty minx you! I'm sure you will invite me to the wedding this time as the cat is out of the bag on the whole secret identity thing.
P.S. Is it safe to assume that since I'll be your maid of honor, I'll be wearing RED at your impending nuptials to this mystery K man of yours?
So that brings me to pose a question to all of you. What kinds of things have you guys done to raise procrastination to a true art form?