Friday, September 4, 2009

Lola vs. Procrastination

My sister has just won the award for Best Use of Procrastination In A Work Day Production and/or Variety Hour. She earned this award for sending me the below email while she was toiling away in the corporate marketplace:

Subject Line: I have just spent the past half hour taking facebook quizzes...

And this is what I found out:

  1. My IQ is 150 and I am brilliant
  2. My celebrity boyfriend is Ben Affleck
  3. My favorite color is RED
  4. I am going to marry someone whose name begins with a K
  5. The 2009 song that I am is “Kiss Me through the phone” by Soulja Boy
  6. Kallie Mae is my Red-neck name followed of course by my ghetto name Nae Nae and to top it all off my Native American Indian name Strong Heart

And lastly for that question I know you have been dying to ask me for years now… what famous black woman am I? ---– it’s Beyonce Knowles!

I have learned so much today about myself, what an enlightening day.


I decided I had to procrastinate right back at her with:

Subject Line: I just spent 20 minutes responding to your message and this is what I came up with...

Dear Sasha Fierce,

To think I was once living under the same roof as the singer of such hits as Single Ladies and Bootylicious! I don't know how you concealed your identity for such a long time but it must have something to do with your ability to bear the mantel of so many different personalities. There were times when I could have sworn sharing a bathroom with Nae Nae would have been impossible indeed if it hadn't been for Strong Heart always being the mediator.

I was also surprised to learn that your current IQ qualifies you for the prestigious positions that men such as Lincoln, Copernicus, and Jefferson have held in the past. But instead you chose to follow the music within you.

I'm a little bit disconcerted by the fact that you define yourself not by one of your multi-platinum hits but by Soulja Boy. At the very least it should have been Nigga What, Nigga Who by your husband- unless you guys are splitsville. Could it be because your boyfriend Ben Affleck got in the way? You really kept that one under the radar.

I see you are already planning on your next husband. Oh Kallie Mae, you naughty minx you! I'm sure you will invite me to the wedding this time as the cat is out of the bag on the whole secret identity thing.

Incredulously yours,


P.S. Is it safe to assume that since I'll be your maid of honor, I'll be wearing RED at your impending nuptials to this mystery K man of yours?

So that brings me to pose a question to all of you. What kinds of things have you guys done to raise procrastination to a true art form?


Hannah Miet said...

That is some skilled procrastination. The non professionals are just lazy. You rule.

I do this thing where I write down all the thoughts that are in my head and then, like, publish them on the internet. And then people respond to them, sometimes, and that's even better because I respond to them. What's the term for that again?

I also like to make Itunes playlists for obscure situations, like "The If Michael Vick Were To Proposition Me Playlist."

Gorilla Bananas said...

I just climb a tree when I want to procrastinate. Are you wearing red knickers?

Anonymous said...

This is AMAZING! I love your letter back to your sister. I wish my siblings were this creative.

Vodka Logic said...

Funny, I suppose she wont be marrying her celeb boyfriend since Ben does not start with a K.


The Peach Tart said...

I'm a huge procrastinator ususally about writing. The cure = a few cocktails until the procrastination passes.

Little Ms Blogger said...

Reading and posting on an obscene amount of blogs.

If I'm not in the mood for that - Bejeweled on FB - very addicting.

Trinity said...

I intermingle a fine cocktail of the following

mix 2 parts Blogger with 3 parts comic book news websites. The add in a half a cup of the featured video On MSN and stir. This goes really well with getting up and wandering the building or sneaking into the bathroom and pretending to go #2 so you can play sudoku.

Organic Meatbag said...

Facebook quizzes have taught me one thing: I hate Facebook quizzes... I am going to develop a Facebook quiz called "What kind of ball sack are you?"

otherworldlyone said...

That's some very creative procrastinating.

I'm procrastinating right now. Paperwork? What paperwork? Of course I did that, give me 10 minutes, will you? I'm blogging. I'm always blogging? Well you're always bothering me about paperwork, so there!

*uncorked said...

I also do Facebook quizzes. Or read a lot of blogs. Clearly, my work as an attorney is of grave importance since I haven't even opened up my work email yet, but have read four or five blogs, checked Facebook and commented on several status updates. I hear they have a new Facebook application for MASH - I would like to know if I'll live in a mansion, who I'll marry, and how many kids we have. My guess is my result will be something along the lines of: "You will live in a shack, with Rocco (my first grade boyfriend) and will have 19 children you cannot afford. I'm also guessing that it will then forward me to take the "ghetto name" quiz. God I love Facebook.

Anonymous said...

This is the level of procrastination I one day hope to reach. The problem is I just keep procrastinating.... which may actually be the proper thing to do in this case.


Lola Lakely said...

@hannah- At least I'm a professional at something. I'd say that playlist qualifies!
@Gorillas- Sadly no. Pink today. No spongebob
@coolasfolk- It makes for some entertaining family gatherings!
@Vodka- Kinda sucks. I was leaning towards Ben.
@Peach- You are brilliant!

@Trinity- "This goes really well with getting up and wandering the building or sneaking into the bathroom and pretending to go #2 so you can play sudoku." Yuo are pure awesomeness my friend. You may win this comment round.

@Organic- Since I will follow you to the depths of hell, I guess I can also sign up for your facebook apps.
@otherworldlyone- Does blogging about paperwork make up for not doing the paperwork? I would say so!
@uncorked- Ok, so your comment made me laugh out loud! Any attorney who is competently skilled at Facebook quizzes wins in my book. They have a MASH app? Seriously? How have I not heard this?

@canadian- Nice. I think you may be on to something.

Anonymous said...

Your sister rocks. I also love Hannah Met's comparison of procrastination vs lazy, yessss! Makes me feel not so bad about stalking blogs for most of the day. I really need to have the Internet blocked from my computer.

Anonymous said...

Haha. That was awesome. Um. I sit here and play with my blog or myspace or facebook. My job consists of very little work. It's kinda sad.

btw, I moved! I'm now part of wordpress! Since my old blog on here decided to shun people and not let them comment or read. =(

*uncorked said...

FYI - I am going to marry Mc (from my recent post), drive a red BMW, live in Grand Cayman with 69 kids while I'm a Garbage Man.

Tennyson ee Hemingway said...

I'm not sure whether this is an artform or not but I find myself preferring to watch Two and a half Men, than vaccuming the house.

linlah said...

I was gonna comment earlier but I put it off until now.

Auri said...

Lola... I think I like your style;) Plus... anyone who uses a picture of Patron on their blog along with Jessica Rabbit is my kinda girl! Did Mr. Bananas just ask if you were wearing red undies?! Naughty monkey! (okay I'm only slightly jealous... but he's still naughty)

Lola Lakely said...

@Tenn- Perfect. I always use Charlie Sheen to procrastinate. Wow, that sounded dirty.

@Linlah- Your use of procrastination was stunning.

@Auri- Thanks for stopping by! I am a fan of your style as well. Naughty monkeys are my favorite!

One Sassy Girl said...

I interpret full blown conversations between my dogs, in their respective accents and personalities. They curse - a lot. And have very dry wit. If no one is around for this show of procrastination/insanity, I laugh enough to make up for their absence and to qualify for confinement. Perhaps FB quizzes are a healthier alternative.

King of New York Hacks said...

My bro joined many years ago "The Procrastinator's Club of America.". I saw a full kit with stickers, a rubber stamp and a card with his name on it. He was very boasting about this because he told me he waited 9 months to send in the application and thought it might have been too soon and he'd be turned down.LMAO...I then did mine and waited ten months !! True story !

Lola Lakely said...

@OneSassyGirl- I think there are benefits to both. God, that comment was hilarious.

@King- Nice. I wanted to look up The Procrastinator's Club of America but I was too lazy to do so.

mo.stoneskin said...

I read the other day that people that favour the colour read rarely exceed an IQ of 149. You, my friend, are extremely special. I also read that people that attempt t be clever when commenting on blogs rarely exceed an IQ of 5, which means, I suspect, that you are my superior...

Merrick said...

I create fanciful half-truths about my own present existence. For instance, right now I'm the CEO of a multinational corporation who reads blogs while drinking lattes to start his day. I'll give you a hint- the lattes is the half that's true. I've missed you, Lola. Going to be settled into my casa soon and then everything is going to be perfect, right?

blunt delivery said...

Dear love of my life,

I'll tell you what i don't do to procrastinate: facebook quizzes. and i'll tell you what i do, do: everything else.

and consequentially, anyone that posts a result of a facebook quiz on their profile is automatically deleted from my status updates. it's a nervous tick, i can't explain it.

you know what else i can't explain? why i can't get you out of my dreams.



Unindicted Co-Conspirator said...

If my celebrity boyfriend is Rock Hudson, does that mean I'm dead, or that I'm gay?

LiLu said...

Um. Have you been to People of

You're welcome.

Secretia Teller said...

That was a little complicated for me, like a college textbook that I had trouble reading, I am procrastinating trying to understand it, but let me think on it, later. Nice post!