Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Lola vs. Crushing Words of Wisdom

Bless me bloggers, for I have sinned. It's been 10 days since my last blogfession! Fear not, dear readers, for I am back with a new luscious look and to let you in on a delicious little secret. Shhhh, don't tell anyone. Except for you know the Internet, which is a small community right? Like max 10-20 people?

I had an inappropriate crush recently. Yes, me. I know! Unbelievable. Ok, Ok- maybe the inappropriate part of it I have down. But the crush part- not so much. And unfortunately, I made the mistake of mentioning it to my friend Kane.

Lola: So I have this crush.
Kane: (burst out laughing) Riiiight.
Lola: No really I do.
Kane: (still laughing)
Lola: Wow. (pause) You about done?
Kane: You don't have a crush. (more laughter) You had three dates in one night on Friday.
Lola: (waving her hand dismissively) Oh, you and your logic.
Kane: Well, was he one of those?
Lola: No.
Kane: Was this the guy you wouldn't go out with because you were watching the Notre Dame game? (pause) Where you got drunk and proceeded to accuse the ref of being sucked off by the Michigan cheerleaders.
Lola: Not one of my finest moments. (disheartened) And that would be a no, not that one.
Kane: (understanding) Wow, this guy hasn't even asked you out yet. This is new.
Lola: (sarcastically) I'm glad you find this amusing.
Kane: Don't worry, if Matt Damon could actually marry a slutty tramp bartender with a kid, then you could at least bang this guy.
Lola: You do realize that nugget of wisdom is going on my blog, right?
Kane: It would be a shame to keep it between me and you. It will bring hope to women everywhere.

Fortunately for me and my tendency to go into Yemen mode, I found out that the crush is otherwise occupied at the moment. And despite popular belief (or at least the belief going around in crazy girl paranoia land), I actually have some sort of moral code that I follow.

It may be held together by duct tape and string, but it is there.


29 comments:

Vodka Logic said...

That was good, you friend needs a slap (jk). Thanks to your blog we all to laugh at, I mean with you..

Mr O said...

couple things to say:

*I am interested in this crush story. I would like to see where it goes. Especially with those words of wisdom

*I like the new layout. I'm really weird about details, so is there any way to know what song is being played?

*Lastly, I sort of gave you a shoutout a few blogs ago. You should check it out.

cool as folk said...

Hahaha that's what friends are for!

I have a crush too. He turns 17 in two months. Sigh. I'm like a pedobear.

Gorilla Bananas said...

The duct tape might come is useful when you want Mr Crush to give you his undivided attention. A female gorilla would just sit on him.

mo.stoneskin said...

You are a remarkably wise girl, I always knew it.

otherworldlyone said...

Duct tape is always handy. Especially when your handcuffs are MIA.

Love the new layout.

Trinity said...

I like the new look. It fits your personality better.

Maybe if you can have one crush, another more availible one will show up soon.

Laz said...

You do of course realize that you only get crushes on those that you won't or can't be with... It's your safty net... you do it just enough to feel like you still have emotions... but not enough to ever have to deal with them... Good show.

Jeanette said...

I love the new layout! Fabulous! Sounds like your weekend was interesting to say the least!

*uncorked said...

Oh how I've also missed you! And I think we should never be fans for opposing football teams, the profanity that would fly would burn the ears of any average human being. I love the new layout, and damn about your crush.

Stereos and Souffles said...

I have to stop following you. I was not told up front you have a moral code. This is NOT what I signed up for.

linlah said...

To TOTALLY steal someone else's words -
"A solid crush is the umbrella to most of life’s rain drops"
And I like the new layout.

Tennyson ee Hemingway said...

Actually, duct tape and string are pretty strong...

Moonjava said...

:) Keep us updated on this crush, moral code and all!

Lola Lakely said...

@Vodka- He's a gem, that Kane.
@Mr. O- I have missed you! I just checked out your blog entry about me and I was so touched. It really does deserve some needed attention by me! And thank you ever so much for giving your readers a taste of the best band EVER! Oh, you will be paid back in full. Naughty Red-Head style!
@cool-Yup, he's good like that. And naaah, as long as your related to the 17 month old- I believe you are exempt form being creepy.
@Gorrilas- Haha! I hope that I can entice him in other ways, should he become available!
@mo.stoneskin- Thank you! I think wise is something I have never heard in conjunction with me.
@otherworldlyone- Hmmm, I could use my fur lined handcuffs to lock my morals into place. Right?
@Trinity- It definitely suits me better! Hopefully there will be someone available buut maybe when I'm actually ready to not flee the country.
@Laz- I hate you because you are right. And you know me in real life, so you suck.
@Jeanette- Thanks! Interesting is the perfect way to describe it. Unmitigated disaster in another phrase that comes to mind.
@uncorked- I am hoping there will never come a time when we are opposites sides of the spectrum.
@Stereos- Your comment has made me respect you even more.
@linlah- Thanks!
@Tennyson- It's held up so far. I am off to give your blog some much needed love now.
@Moonjava- Will do!

Vodka Logic said...

You seeing Eddie Izzard at MSG? We are seeing them in January also in Boston..We will have to compare notes.

angryredhead said...

God, you're exactly like me. Date a single person? Pfffft, where's the challenge in that?

Organic Meatbag said...

Lola, the new lay-out is "the balls"...or maybe more accurately, "the vagina".... it looks great! And hey, you're allowed a crush...there is nothing wrong with that! As long as it has less than three penises and isn't oozing constantly from it's orifices, there is nothing wrong with it!

LiLu said...

Kane? I love you.

La Belle Mere UK said...

Just found your blog! Very funny.

Just to clarify? What exactly is Yemen mode?? Or am I being backward?

LBM xxx

Lola Lakely said...

@Vodka- I am seeing him at MSG! Have you seen him before? I saw him on the Circle Tour and almost died it was that good.

@angryredhead- is that why we like each other's blogs so much? I think so!
@Organic- I don't think I've heard it described as "The Vagina" but cheers to that. I don't think I have ever had the fortune of meeting something that has three penises and oozes constantly from its orifices but if I do, I'll make sure not to develop an infatuation.
@LiLu- I love him so much I want to kill him.

Lola Lakely said...

@ La Belle- Thanks for stopping by! I adore new visitors. Yemen mode refers to my previous post Lola vs. Simple Dating Rules 5, 6, 7 on Sept 2nd. This is how I refer to my commitment phobic nature.

Secretia Teller said...

Delicious secrets are the only ingredients allowed on my blog, Secret Story Time, visit anytime. I cracked up at the remark "you had three dates in one night". ahh, memories!

Secretia

blunt delivery said...

lover of my soul,

i luuuuuurve the new layout dahling. it makes my heart smile. and you know what else does? you. i too, am often struck by the inappropriate crush or two. it gets the best of us sometimes. have i mentioned that my soul longs for you?

yours forever,

blunt.

Hannah Miet said...

You are awesome. That is all.

One Sassy Girl said...

I adore crushes. They remind me of how strong attraction can be, with no other stimulus needed. Enjoy it. Maybe he'll become available soon... maybe not. But it's fun to day dream ;)

Oh, and I love the new look!

Lola Lakely said...

Dearest Breath In my Lungs,

Thanks dahhling. How else would I be able to express my love to you properly? Because, of course, I do all of this just to be closer to you.

Fo-evah and evah,

Lola

Lola Lakely said...

@Hannah- The awesomeness I send right back at ya!

@OneSassyGirl- Thanks- this suits me so much better. It is fun to dream.

hardlyhearshimself said...

I was going to tell you about Cool As Folk's pedo crush, but it looks like she beat me to it. It's not like I'm against it, really. I love me some young meat omnomnomnom