Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Lola vs. Lame Disease

So the other day, a friend emailed me with a story about how he was forced to sit down and watch a documentary about Lyme disease on a family vacation. As I was reading his message to me, I became alarmed by one of his typos. It might have been the fact that I had finished the sleep deprivation portion of my night and was heading straight into the hallucination part of the program but I became disturbed over the implications of his mistake. What if it wasn't a mistake? What if he is trying to alert me to something I may not be aware of? I choked back the fear that had suddenly lodged itself in my throat. In the event that this was a real threat to our existence, I felt it was my duty to educate all of you on the very serious subject of Lame Disease.

FACTS & STATS

According to the Centers for Disease Control, in 2007 there were 27,444 reported cases of lame disease - a 37% increase of lame over the previous year. Lame cases have been reported in every state, and on every continent except Antarctica.

COMMON QUESTIONS

What is lame disease and how do I get it?
A bacterial infection, lame disease is the most common vector-borne disease in America. Lame bacteria and their co-infections are typically transmitted to humans through the bite of an infected lame. Definitely a lame way to get diseased.

Why do lame patients have trouble getting diagnosed and treated?
Because no one wants to deal with a bunch of lames.

What should I do if I think I have lame disease?
Diagnosis can be difficult in the absence of a bull's-eye rash or a positive test, so for these less clear cases, it's best to see a lame specialist.

WHAT YOU CAN DO...

EDUCATE others about lame disease. Share your own and others' lame stories on blogs and with the press; the more lame stories out there, the more lame people will seek and get proper treatment.
PARTICIPATE in the growing lame community. There are a number of lame associations and online support groups to answer questions about lame research, treatments, physicians, and policy.
ADVOCATE for lame patient and physician rights. For access to important patient rights resources, visit the CALDA website, where you can find symptom checklists, insurance-appeal letters, lame-check flyers, and documentation about chronic lame.
DONATE to innovative lame research and awareness. Turn the Corner Foundation is committed to supporting lame disease research and awareness, including training to help doctors become lame-literate. Doctors desperately need help learning to cope with lame patients going on and on with their lame stories about how they've got lame disease.

19 comments:

The Peach Tart said...

That's just lame - but I do think there are some people in my acquaintance with said lame disease. I will alert them immediately to the treatment.

Organic Meatbag said...

Dudette, I soooooo fuckin' have that lame disease...

ladytruth said...

"lame-literate" Love that word!
"Insurance-appeal letters?" Wow, you mean insurance doesn't cover you being lame? Big surprise there.
"Chronic lame:" sounds like the permanent state of the sloth :)

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I think I might have lame disease lately. Certainly in blog terms. Although it would be sort of fun to have Lamé disease and be all gold and sparkly.

I know, I'm shutting up.

canadiandoubles said...

This post is anything but lame. well done.

-Timoteo

JennyMac said...

I hope to NEVER be afflicted with lame disease. And Lame' disease of which Veggie speaks, well, Viva Las Vegas baby...Im in for that one.

*uncorked said...

I've missed you.

angryredhead said...

I think I'd rather have an STD, at least that would mean I'm getting some.

Tennyson ee Hemingway said...

A new post from Lola! How un-lame. Well, certainly less lame than this comment.

Valerie said...

I used to have lame disease outbreaks all the time, now I keep them under control with lame-trex

@veg. assassin- lol!

Simon said...

I’ve suffered from Lame Disease for most of my life. The tragedy is that no one recognises it as a valid medical disorder, and just keep calling me stupid or boring.

Thank you for helping to spread understanding of this dreadful and ill-understood condition.

Dani said...

I was recently diagnosed lame disease...it is so sad. I better start writing some letters to insurance companies so that they don't deny my claim.

I wonder if I can sue the one who transmitted it to me? (I just read an article about a girl suing her college for $72K because it's been 3 months since she graduated and she doesn't have a job).

Nickie. said...

I def. have lame diesese. I've tried multiple things to combat it, but nothing seems to work. Although now that I think about it, I don't have as many outbreaks now that I got rid of the lame people.

blunt delivery said...

dear witty lover that makes my heart smile at the very thought of our enchanted evenings together,

good thing we will NEVER have to worry about getting this. we don't even need the vaccine cus our coolness repells lameness like water drops on an oil spill.

love,
Blunt, your unlame twin.

linlah said...

I was diagnosed with this at an early age and still need medication for the itch.

Girl Interrupted said...

Thank God you've resisted infection!!

I think we should all catch the Lamé Disease the Veg Assassin mentioned and then have our own Mardi Gras!

Hope you're having a great weekend, Lola :)

mo.stoneskin said...

Hmm, I suspect that I may be a suffferer...

King of New York Hacks said...

I think half of my customers are sufferers !! LMAO !

Anonymous said...

Wow. This blog is lame!