Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Lola vs. Break-Up Paint

This post was inspired by my cyber sister from another mother, Blunt Delivery. It's getting ridiculous the amount of things we have in common and paint is just the chocolate icing on our two layer vanilla funfetti cake.

When the rejuvenation green I bought to get rid of the electric blue vomit on my walls was neither green nor brought me a sense of rejuvenation, I had to travel to Home Depot- with Kane in tow- to get serious.

That's when we realized that all names for paint colors are lame. These include but are not limited to: Lyndhurst Duchess (for the inner blueblood in you), Cincinnatian Hotel Olivia Blue (I've always admired the color of the walls in Cincinnati hotels...) Peaceful Calm (redundant wall colors are my favorite!), and finally La Fonda Fiery Fireberry (what the hell is a La Fonda? Is it a dance move? Why would a dance move be red? Is it an angry dance move?).

After Kane repeatedly pointed out to the sales guy that I was single and in "need of strong break-up paint", we decided that to accompany said paint we really needed some fantastic break-up colors.

So after much discussion, we used Pathological Liar Primer and then coated it with a subtle I-Finally-Got-Rid-of-the-Dead-Weight-Who-Sucked-Up-
a-Considerable-Amount-of-My-Savings
Green. And finally, to accent the room, we used a deep He-May-Have-Been-The-One-
Responsible-For-Stashing-Cocaine-In-My-Old-Car
Burgundy.

I bet V, my other delightful derelict sister and like any normal girl is fond of a good melee, has some good break-up shades in her repertoire. Anyone else care to share their paint colors with the rest of the class?

29 comments:

Tennyson ee Hemingway said...

How about - "Fuckyougoddamnbitchthebestthingyoucoulddoformewouldbetojustdieithinki'llstayinthisroomforever" Black?

miss. chief said...

okay, i may be just totally out of some loop but what is funfetti?

Mr London Street said...

Just stay away from "Freeloader Taupe".

Not because it's associated with freeloaders, just because taupe is such a crap colour.

Simon said...

Terry Pratchett, in his book Equal Rites, came up with this:

It’s a fact known throughout the universes that no matter how carefully the colours are chosen, institutional decor ends up as either vomit green, unmentionable brown, nicotine yellow, or surgical appliance pink. By some little-understood process of sympathetic resonance, corridors painted in those colours always smell slightly of boiled cabbage—even if no cabbage is ever cooked in the vicinity.

And a woman I know who doesn’t like the colour of her eyes once called them ‘Dirty Toilet Brown’.

Amy said...

Our Friends Like Me Better Yellow

Organic Meatbag said...

Haaaa! The Lyndhurst Duchess is the one cracking me up the most...it sounds like some on-the-down-low sexual act... "Last night, my girl finally let me perform the ol' Lyndhurst Duchess on her...wow, are my balls sore!"

angryredhead said...

Fiery Fireberry? Sounds like a disease.

How about You Had a Small Dick Pink?

canadiandoubles said...

I like to mix "happily single" blue, with a little "oh god, why are all my friends settling down?!" red.

It makes for a nice "Suckers, I can do and eat whatever I want. where's my wiiiii?!" purple

-timoteo

Lola Lakely said...

@Tenn- That sounds like a perfect color in the Break-Up collection by Lola.
@misschief- Funfetti cake is only the best cake in the world.
@MLS- Totally agree on the crap taupe. Ugh
@Simon- He is brilliant. I completely agree. Ugh surgical appliance pink is the worst. Why won't hospitals learn???
@Amy - I have a variation of that shade on my dining room. It's His-Friends-And-Mine-Like-Me-Better Buttercup
@Organic- That's awesome! I think I'll try and get someone to perform that on me, while standing on his tip toes.
@angryredhead- I like the way you think!
@canadiandoubles- Wow, how did you know what colors I picked out for my bedroom? Change wii to Xbox and you've got my shades!

Stereos and Souffles said...

He asked me not to cash a five hundred dollar check he owed me then broke up with me so I marched to the bank, cashed his check and laughed my ass off when he called me screaming that I made him bounce all of his checks that month = Cash Strapped Camel.

The Caped Tirader said...

I once had to buy a couple of gallons of "I-Can't-Believe-She-Was-Fucking-Her-Old-Drill-Sergeant-And-My-'Buddy'-While I-Was-In-The-Desert, Green"....
Oh, BTW. I think La Fonda is the chick from Napolean Dynomite :OP

*uncorked said...

Your-Shit-Is-On-The-Sidewalk-Brown

Now-I-Like-Giving-Blowjobs-Blue

It's-Not-Actually-That-Common-Fuchsia

I'm-About-To-Get-Drunk-And-Slutty-With-All-Your-Friends-Red

Just some on my walls :)

And thanks for the shout out!

*uncorked said...

Also, mmm funfetti cake.

Lola Lakely said...

@ Stereos- Nice! I also have a He-Whined-When-I-cancelled-His-Cellphone-That-Was-On-My-Plan Petunia.

@CT- Ugh, that's a really bad color. I've got another really, really good one but I'm not sure if I should say it in this venue.

@uncorked- No problem sistah! And your shades did not disappoint- especially the red color- you vixen you! And mmmm funfetti cake!

Girl Interrupted said...

Wasn't La Fonda what they used to call Jane Fonda?

Guess-Who-Just-Got-Waxed-And-Has-A-Date-With-That-Guy-You-Hate Cerise is always a happy shade :)

I love your posts, they're always so inventive x

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I'd paint my shed 'needy-and-insecure-because-mommy-never-loved-me-blue'. Or 'mental-age-of-five violet'. Maybe I'd go with a simple 'secretly-running-up-debts-on-my-credit-card-to-buy-things-to-make-yourself-feel-better-about-yourself red.' If I was feeling fruity I'd go with 'I-lied-when-I-said-most-penises-were-that-tiny green'

Trinity said...

Well, I commented once but it didn't take so I am going to try again.

I vote for "It's not you it's Metallic Red"

And I thought breakup paint might have been the paint you mysteriously found in your hair that night.

The Caped Tirader said...

Hah- well you'll have to tell me all about it off-line the next time we hang out, Lola :)

Lola Lakely said...

@Girl- Thanks! Right back at ya babe! Love you cerise color.
@Veg- I think I may have the violet shade in my basement.

@Trinity- If there was a gold star for comments, it would be ALL yours. Mentioning a previous post? The sheer brilliance of that warrants at least two in my book.

@CT- Perhaps over a cider? It's been too long!

Merrick said...

I may not make any friends with this one and it's probably terribly ill-advised but how 'bout, "I'm-gonna-shag-your-little-sister-indigo?" My living room is currently, "you're-a-crazy-immature-ho-bag white" but I'm fixin' to repaint it something a little more optimistic. . .

calicobebop said...

wait a minute, wait a minute... Isn't La Fonda the name of the brother's online girlfriend in Napoleon Dynamite? You know, Kip? Or am I way off the mark... Anyway - good luck with the paint choice. I've been there and it can be so frustrating!! Here's hoping the perfect choice makes it's way to you!

ps - thanks for stopping by my place! ;)

bluntdelivery said...

Dear lover,

why is my pillow so cold and empty. why isn't your adoring face staring back at me? why am i tortured to walk this earth without my soulmate.


still wondering,

blunt.

Lola Lakely said...

@Merrick- Anytime you need help pickign up fun break-up colors, I'm there for you dude.

@calico- You are the second person who mentioned Napolean. I think you are right! Thanks for coming by Lola's playground.

Dearest Empty Side of the Bed Where Your Imprint Should Be,

Because we are destined to live oh so very far away. One of these days there will be a meeting. One of these days!

Ever Yours,

Lola

Hannah Miet said...

"redundant wall colors are my favorite!"--Ha!

I don't think I will paint my walls again until you are officially in charge of naming paint colors.

LiLu said...

I know what a La Fonda is!

http://www.hulu.com/watch/8723/napoleon-dynamite-napoleon-meets-la-fawnduh

hardlyhearshimself said...

Man I want to have a room that isn't just white. All my life, I've always been in plain rooms and have dreamed of one day maybe having color across my walls.

I'm going to paint my walls Gorgeous Ganja Green 8)

ladytruth said...

I have something for you over at my blog ;)

Lola Lakely said...

@Lilu- Wow, who knew the people at Home Depot had a sense of humor?

@hardlyhears- I don't think I'd get anything done in a room that was painted that color.

@ladytruth- You are too good to me!

Send flowers to Korea said...

I suggest this site to my friends so it could be useful & informative for them also. Great effort.