Patron is evil.
Seriously, it turns people into raving lunatics. I don't know what about Patron Tequila that makes people go into retarded zombie mode but I think it's because the alcohol comes from the devil. And if you don't agree with this statement, then you have obviously not had the patron challenge. And therefore I throw down the gauntlet to you, my friend. Just try it.
A night without patron:
You get drunk at a bar, over tip the bartenders slightly, maybe sing along drunkenly to Bon Jovi (if you're in NJ). Then you go home and pass out.
A night with Patron:
After you buy a round of shots for the entire bar and loudly proclaiming that only REAL men drink patron, you end up on top of the bar, arm in arm with the bartenders (after hours of course) in a kick line singing New York, New York unintelligibly. Then you black-out and wake up on the floor in a random hotel room. And maybe with a tattoo.
My friend D- in Patron zombie mode- insisted he help me carry two drumsticks to my car. This simple act of kindness inspired him to also call and leave me a message about what a good helper he was. While I was standing two feet away from him.
If any of you have any really good patron stories, feel free to email them to me. I get a huge kick out of drunken idiot stories and would be happy to post the best one.
P.S. I implore you to watch out for Patron cafe. Because although the tequila is masked by the deceptively sweet coffee taste it still fits into the evil you-get-so-drunk-that-your-friends-can-convince-you-that-you're-playing-the-drums-while-they-sneakily-exit-you-out-of-Rockband-and-then condescendingly-tell-you-how-good-you're-doing-as-you-flail-the-drumsticks-around-unknowingly category.