Thursday, July 16, 2009

Lola vs. Business in the Front & A Party in the Back

I had an encounter with one of the mullet people. Yes, I believe that they are their own race of people. They are rather reminiscent of those people that lived in the basement of those psycho foster parents in the movie People Under the Stairs.

I was happily minding my own business in the Sears Auto Parts store, purchasing some new all weather floor mats for Riggins (so I have an irrational obsession with my new car- no judging) when I was approached. By a round, big-foreheaded man with a cascading blond-streaked mullet.

"Do you believe in prostitution?"

I turned around, the tan all-weather floor mats clutched in both hands defensively, and just blinked at him. Like prostitution as a belief system? What?

"Um, excuse me?"

He squinted at me, behind his bright yellow wrap around glasses. "Yeah, as in do you believe in legalizing prostitution?"

As his gravel voice raked over my skin, I realized that the only thing between me and the mullet were my all-weather floor mats. I thrust them forward and practically shouted,"I have to pay for these."

And I ran. Oh how I ran. Without looking back.

Do the mullet people now exist on the same plane as the elderly? They can just say whatever the hell they want without fear of repercussions or societal judgment. Maybe like the elderly, they should have their own homes. That way I wouldn't have to deal with them unless I had to, like, fulfill community service hour requirements for my probation.


huge forehead mullet

21 comments:

*uncorked said...

yes. i agree with you. mullet people are terrifying and play by a separate set of rules. yesterday on my scary public transportation encounter, right after the woman licking her arm got off the train, a mullet person came on. and that mullet had two braids. shocking, horrifying, disturbing, nightmare-inducing braids. on a mullet.

Tennyson ee Hemingway said...

and what's worse is the rising popularity of the reverse mullet. on women.

Mr. Condescending said...

ohh mullets are a phenomenon. they are so mesmerizing though arent they? Sorry the mullet man creeped you out, but they creep me out too.

for the love of pictures said...

Haha, that just sent chills down my spine.

Simon said...

I realise that Mullet People are often regarded as socially – or even mentally – challenged by others, but is that a good enough reason to discriminate against them so blatantly? Shouldn’t they be allowed to live what passes for a normal life?

The Caped Tirader said...

I see that you are attracting a new breed of creep! Congratulations Lola...you should carry a gun

Sami said...

Ack! Mullets! ACK!!!!! I'm sorry for your horrible mullet-y encounter!

Nickie. said...

Mullet pple do scare me. Eeek. And why the heck would he ask you about prostitution? Did he think you were one or something. PIG.

Jeanette said...

Two comments;

One: Mullets are popular in Russia.

Two: Whenever I see Kate from Jon and Kate + 8 all I can think is reverse mullet!

B said...

love this! i actually can not stop reading it. creepy? naw...

you should never come to the south. they are everywhere.

Merrick said...

Perhaps he was running for office on the legalize 'stitution platform which is quite popular in those beach communities. I'm sure had you given him enough opportunity you would have been amazed with his articulate and calculated pitch. You should have told him you weren't a registered voter as I'm sure that had to be his angle.

hardlyhearshimself said...

Maybe he was just doing a survey? I'm all for it, really. The world needs more hookers.

the girl with the pink teacup said...

Mullets are an endless source of entertainment, reverse or traditional-style. However, perhaps your irrational mullet prejudice has blinded you to this man's otherwise intelligent discourse on legalised prostitution. Either that, or he was a fucking creepo trying to hit on a young, un-mulleted lady at an auto store. My money's on the former.

Mxyzptlk said...

Was he doing a census, or propositioning you? And if you want to avoid mullets in the future, avoiding the autoparts store would be a good start..

Cabin-boy Dave said...

Hmm... he sounds like an intellectual to me - maybe he was looking for someone who did not believe in prostitution to have an informative discussion with them. Then again, he may have been referring to the religion. No one understands these folk...

Organic Meatbag said...

Wow... I know all too well of the mullet brigade...I had one in middle school...it was the mid-late 80's...it was a crazy time in this world...my cousin Barry had an ultimullet from 1982-2005... he cut it off... he was hunted down by his longtime mullet bretheren and they tortured him...they reattached the mullet to his scalp and made him drink Old milwaukee beer and listen to Molly Hatchet... the pain still haunts him to this day...
I'm just glad I got out when I did...

Girl Interrupted said...

Mullets = scary

Midgets = terrifying

That pic = one unholy nightmare. Just throw in a clown and I'd be curled up in a corner, adopting a foetal position, rocking, sobbing and peeing my pants.

blunt delivery said...

so.

my brother and i went to a super strict private school and he had to have his hair cut razor short. then he got rebellious. then when he graduated he grew the a mullet down to his lower back. and bought a motorcycle. and got a tattoo on his upper arm of a cobra.

just saying.

*uncorked said...

i just wanted to tell you that a friend of mine made a mullet comment on facebook, about bringing back the permed mullet and i referred him to this post.

Lola Lakely said...

@ Blunt- Sounds delish

@uncorked- You are my sunshine today.

Hannah Miet said...

I am really praying the man in that photo does not enter my dreams tonight.