Friday, July 24, 2009

Lola vs. Being an Older Sister

I knew I was different when I decided against barbies in favor of Star Wars Action Figures especially when my younger sister favored barbies so much. But what really solidified my individuality was how I approached playing them with her.

Like most Barbie communities, the barbie females outnumbered the Ken faction about 123809182390 to 2. And unfortunately for my sister, half of her Ken faction was missing a leg. (I think this was due to the fact that my brother and I would steal the second rate Ken and repeatedly throw him out the window but that's neither here nor there.)

Since I played Barbies so rarely, I obviously did not want to play with the deformed Ken so I had to persuade my sister to want to play with it instead. Because let's face it: 1) I didn't want her to get upset that the ken doll had no leg and therefore rat me out to my mom and 2) I wanted her to play with me since there was no way I was actually going to play with dolls by myself and ruin my reputation with Han Solo.

Below is how I accomplished the task.

Little Lola: (handing her sister the legless Ken) Here you go.
Lola's Sister: (crinkling her nose up at the sight) I don't want to play with that one. They're mine anyway so you can have this one. (thrusts legless Ken back into Lola's hands)
Little Lola: (with a triumphant smile) I was hoping you'd say that.
Lola's Sister: (suspiciously) Why?
Little Lola: Well everyone else wants to be him. He's the most popular Ken in the entire town even.
Lola's Sister: (a little less doubtful now) I don't know... (considering) why is he so popular?
Little Lola: Well, this Ken's been to war so all of the other barbies are jealous of him.
Lola's Sister: I think I better play with him then. (taking legless Ken back now) But, what happened to his leg?
Little Lola: It got blown off by the enemy.

And so here's to you- legless Ken! Because without you, I would have never learned the proper way to facilitate an outcome.


linlah said...

Legless Ken...Laughing so hard I can't breath.

Simon said...

The great tragedy is that there are others like legless Ken, but ones whose noble sacrifices are never acknowledged. We should remember them.

Amy said...

Maybe he was in the same squad as our armless, pantsless Ken. (I'm not sure what casualty of war ends in no pants, but, you know.)

Jeanette said...

Haha, My friend ripped several of my Barbies heads of, lets just say we weren't very good at matching back in the day.

I like to point out that my Barbies were unique.

*uncorked said...

the worst part about barbies is that after you do pull their heads off, and you try and put them back on, they turn into creepy, no-neck monsters (i think i got that term from miss jay on americas next top model). my brother used to hang my barbies from the stair railings with dental floss.

imitsky said...

I'm in agreement with Simon. A moment of silence for the Kens' that sacrificed everything for the Mattel name brand.

Lola Lakely said...

@Simon and imitsky- Those unsung heroes MUST be remembered!

@uncorked- Are you sure your bro and my bro aren't one and the same? Are we actually sisters? *gasp*

@Jeanette- Ahhh the head-ripping-off technique. I have employed that skill many times in my day. Although, they were much easier to perform triage on than the Ken leg.

@Amy- Sounds diabolical. Please elaborate!

Anonymous said...

I wasn't much of a doll girl myself - when I was little I had a baby doll that I hated so much I poked its eyes in. I probably should be on some serial killer watch list after that.

However, I did enjoy occasional Barbie shenanigans. Like tying Barbie to a rollerskate (her CHARIOT, don't you know?) and sending it hurtling off walls or down death defying hills, like she was auditioning for JACKASS. Then when I got a little older she had "relations" with Ken which involved much rubbing against each other and going "Oh yes, Ken, yes!"

And people wonder why I grew up this way.

DebraLSchubert said...

I'm with The Veg Assassin. I didn't "do" dolls when I was a kid. If I had, I would have definitely made them have sex. Otherwise, what would be the point?

Found you through the The Peach Tart, btw. I'm following you now, so you better behave. (Yeah, right!) If you like really bad hair, stop by my place. You won't be disappointed!)

hardlyhearshimself said...

I gave you an award! Please refer to my latest post for further details ;D

Durante said...

Do you believe in love at first write? I stumbled upon your blog (not from stumbleupon because that website is lame) and I played the same games... course I had a lot less barbies I'm sure. I still have my poor star wars figures (not in a live in the basement kind of way though)

Girl Interrupted said...

I never had a Ken doll, I did have an Action Man though (with eagle eyes!) because I thought a soldier boy with perma-pants and big manly boots made a much sexier boyfriend.

BTW: I loved your tactics in offloading poor, deformed Ken! Reverse psychology is always a great tool to wield ... kudos to you, my dear ;)

miss*H said...

I hated barbies but I did have 1 sindy doll (the poor barbie equivilent) my mum insisted on me having. I think she was worried that with my star wars obsession I might turn out to be a lesbian. The ken dolls freaked me out..if he'd have had a penis it would have been fine but it was the missing penis that scared me as a child.

blunt delivery said...

Dearest other half of which my life has been incomplete for so many years,

I never owned one. solitary. doll. except for that cabbage patch my grandma bought me cus it was a collectors item. i think it's worth like, 20 bucks now. but probably a little less after i threw up on it.


your one and only.

the girl with the pink teacup said...

And that's why reverse psychology is awesome. Younger siblings are so fun to 'facilitate outcomes' with, aren't they? Especially if there are one-legged, anatomically-incorrect Ken dolls to be offloaded! Suckers!

I think I may be the only girl on this comment thread who actually had Barbies and played with them as a child. I did have an Action Man doll like miss*H, though - way better than Ken. I also had Tonka Trucks, into which I used to put my Barbies, then push them down a hill as fast as I could just to see them spill out all over the ground when the truck hit speedbumps. Don't know what that says about me, but there it is.

Kara said...

A good talent to have for sure! And great training for marriage!

Valerie said...

I had play nice barbies and destroy barbies. Once my grandma bought my sister and me the same Ken doll, so my parents wrote our initals on the feet of the Ken doll so they wouldn't get mixed up. I wanted mine to stay nice- my sister ripped the head off of hers in record time, then claimed (my only) nice ken for herself. And she's younger than me so I was told to just take it.

Organic Meatbag said...

Why couldn't Ken just get a prosthetic leg? He could have then been Malibu Handi-capable Ken...

Lola Lakely said...

@Kara- At first I thought my talent for ripping off the legs of Ken was good training for my marriage. And that made me quite perplexed

@Organic- Perhaps Toys R US can start performing triage on legless Kens?

@GI and teacup- Any chance either of you can send me an image of Action Man? I'm incredibly curious now.

@Miss H- Yeah the whole neuter thing kinda freaked me out to.

@Veg- I am so very happy you grew up the way you did. Possibly because it is so close to my way. ;)

Thanks everyone. I am glad the Legless Ken wil be remembered.

Millennium Housewife said...

My Barbies were lesbians, much more fun and totally removed the need for a Ken. Except of course unless they needed the ironing doing.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Weren't you disappointed that Ken didn't have a penis? Unlike Darth Vader, who was hung like an elephant.

*uncorked said...

i never realized how many sisters i had before i started blogging.

Tennyson ee Hemingway said...

I had an Action Man and a GI Joe but I don't remember ever ripping off the legs. The head yes, but never the legs. And I'm the oldest in the family, so I'd never play with the Action Man with my brother. He had his own and could stick with it thank you very much. I really liked this post.

Lola Lakely said...

@Millennium Housewife- Nice!

@Gorilla- DV was hung like an elephant! How much I missed when I was a kid and didn't think about things like this!

@Tenn- Thanks so much! I am still intrigued by this whole Action Man thing. And I had no idea that the legless Ken would affect so many people.