Either there is something drastically wrong with the vibe I throw out or I am just meeting the absolute wrong kind of people. I made the colossal mistake of setting up a business dinner on a Friday night and this lead to the most socially awkward moment of my career. This is the email invitation I sent to my client:
It was great to see you at the _______ conference! It seemed like it was a great success and I'm looking forward to our company's continued partnership. Let me know when you will be up training in the NJ area and I'd be happy to take you out to dinner. We can continue our discussion on the conference initiatives.
Let me know if you need any extra flyers or brochures.
However, this is how interpreted the invitation:
It was wonderful to see such a devastatingly attractive man such as yourself at the conference. It seemed like I had to physically restrain my aching body from launching itself at you. God, I am really looking forward to the fact that you are married, are 20 years older than me, and have a son my age. Please know that I'll be waiting, breathlessly, for your next trip up to the NJ area. I would love to take you for a nice long dinner- just you and me and the sexual tension that sizzles between us. We can continue our discussion on the conference initiatives. And by conference initiatives, I mean hot sex.
Let me know if you need me to bring any extra condoms to dinner.
He must have had some kind of delusional email reading episode because I can think of no other reason why this man thought it would be okay to do all of the following:
- Kiss me on the shoulder while I was on the phone with a friend.
- Compliment me on how wonderfully my ass filled out my jeans.
- Repeatedly tell me that my voice dropped him to his knees and that I have "knock-out" Italian skin.
- Inform the waitress balefully that I was not going to kiss him and then proceed to ask her what he could possibly do to get me to kiss him.
Clearly these desperate-older-guys-who-can't-take-a-hint need to shack up with those girls from crazy girl paranoia land. Maybe then I can finally get one moment of freaking peace.