Monday, June 22, 2009

Lola vs. Awkward Dinners 101

Lola's Simple Dating Rule #4: Always, Always, Always be sure to let a client know that the dinner you set up is under NO CIRCUMSTANCES a date.

Either there is something drastically wrong with the vibe I throw out or I am just meeting the absolute wrong kind of people. I made the colossal mistake of setting up a business dinner on a Friday night and this lead to the most socially awkward moment of my career. This is the email invitation I sent to my client:

Lawrence,

It was great to see you at the _______ conference! It seemed like it was a great success and I'm looking forward to our company's continued partnership. Let me know when you will be up training in the NJ area and I'd be happy to take you out to dinner. We can continue our discussion on the conference initiatives.

Let me know if you need any extra flyers or brochures.

Sincerely,
Lola

However, this is how interpreted the invitation:

Hey baby,

It was wonderful to see such a devastatingly attractive man such as yourself at the conference. It seemed like I had to physically restrain my aching body from launching itself at you. God, I am really looking forward to the fact that you are married, are 20 years older than me, and have a son my age. Please know that I'll be waiting, breathlessly, for your next trip up to the NJ area. I would love to take you for a nice long dinner- just you and me and the sexual tension that sizzles between us. We can continue our discussion on the conference initiatives. And by conference initiatives, I mean hot sex.

Let me know if you need me to bring any extra condoms to dinner.

Later lover,
Lola

He must have had some kind of delusional email reading episode because I can think of no other reason why this man thought it would be okay to do all of the following:
  • Kiss me on the shoulder while I was on the phone with a friend.
  • Compliment me on how wonderfully my ass filled out my jeans.
  • Repeatedly tell me that my voice dropped him to his knees and that I have "knock-out" Italian skin.
  • Inform the waitress balefully that I was not going to kiss him and then proceed to ask her what he could possibly do to get me to kiss him.

Clearly these desperate-older-guys-who-can't-take-a-hint need to shack up with those girls from crazy girl paranoia land. Maybe then I can finally get one moment of freaking peace.

17 comments:

Gina said...

And he's not from NJ? I'm surprised. A lot of business clients I meet with here seem to have this "ego" that they can just have whatever young professional they want.

What I'm curious to know is how you handled it!

I look forward to reading more of your blog!

Al said...

VOMIT!! why do old guys always get the wrong impression!!

The Caped Tirader said...

HOLY SHIT! He kissed you on the shoulder? WTF!?!?! You shoulda punched him in his nuts...but then again, he probably would have taken that as a sexual advance

complicatedv said...

so true. i've run into this before too. it's not that you're putting something out there - okay, i don't know you, but i'm assuming you're not - it's that they see a young attractive intelligent person and just can't help themselves from trying to get a piece. its tough being young, intelligent and beautiful isn't it? it gets exhausting ;) found your blog through 20sb - can't wait to read more.

Lola Lakely said...

I appreciate the nice comments! I don't find myself to be misleading but apparently I am. To both men and women. Either I'm completely desperate for unwanted sexual advances or I'm a man-eating whore who only goes after attached men. Sigh.

SassyGirl said...

:O
...
!!!
That is me with my jaws on the floor.
GOD THAT IS SO INAPPROPRIATE! Not to mention completely unprofessional!! No wonder the dinner was so awkward! If it were me, I probably would have RAN out of there!

Nick (CFKS) said...

lol

Jessica said...

Well clearly, you are just a huge tease ;)

Some people are just unbelievable. In this day and age of sexual harassment law suits, you would that they would wise up.

Omega said...

LOL. That's pretty awkward. Next time try not to schedule business meetings on Friday night. And don't show up in tight jeans! Only wear mommy jeans to these meetings.

jeanette said...

Hahahaha! Oh man... clearly you are not being straightforward enough... next time maybe try "P.S. I will on no conditions sleep with you."

That should about do it!

Thanks for the comment, can't wait to follow and read more!

Merrick said...

Didn't you tell me that his reply was something like, "Sounds great- I'll meet you at the Outback Steakhouse and then bang you like a screen door in a hurricane?"

If you read the fine print you might have seen this coming. . .

Lola Lakely said...

God, I really need to get up on my email-reading-in-between-the-lines skills. I suck.

Fran said...

Lola : )

I had a similar experience before! Totally speechless...

P.s. Thank you for commenting on my post regarding the running-Europe-runner and you even mentioned "4 miles"! Actually running a 800-metre is already enough to kill me.

J said...

Ah! So awkward! And your email was the most business-like thing I've ever read too! It seems like we have similar problems LOL!

Mr. Condescending said...

haha I hope I never get like that wow. I'm following your blog I like how you write!

imitsky said...

Hey found the blog through 20sb. Thank you for being hilarious. I almost applauded out loud in a coffee shop, but decided not to once I thought it through.

Michelle said...

Oh my gosh, what a creep! That's just ridiculous.