Saturday, April 4, 2009

Lola vs. Incessant Drunken Phone Call Guy

Do you know what quality is completely and utterly irresistible to a woman? Desperation. There is nothing that turns me on more than a heaping dose of dripping wet desperation.

I can't describe how much it excites me when I give a guy my number and before our first date, he calls me 10 times in a row, on the same day, while I'm out with a friend. But that's not even the best part. It was the slow almost painstaking way his grand, romantic gestures built up this uncontrollable wave of desire.

It started off with a simple but effective text. You should be here. You are way hotter than any of the girls here.

My heart beat faster.

Like any girl's dream, the first phone call came with a song! *Insert girlish sigh here* "Lola, ahhh Lola, I could be your hero baby. And take away your pain. You should come into the city. And I'll... " big pause "take away your pain."

When I was unable to come into the city, the word prude was whispered into my ear in order to stir up my obvious, undeniable lust for him. However, I felt I had to play a little hard to get so I hung up on him.

My phone vibrated again a few minutes later. I shivered in anticipation as I gazed longingly at the text on my florescent screen. The demand to come running into the city to jump on top of him was almost overwhelming. But I was still being coy so , sadly, I did not answer that text or the 9 other phone calls that occurred after it.

However, I could not ignore the last two texts. It was their heartfelt, melodious words that got through my coyness. Help! I've eaten shrimp and I'm highly allergic. And then: I've eaten more shrimp and I may die. I feel my throat closing up! Will you take me to the hospital?

Because let's face it, nothing stokes the fires of lust like stabbing your prospective date with an epipen in order to avoid anaphylactic shock.


Michele said...

I'm so confused! Do we like him? No, right? lol

Misty said...

Good Lord! You attract the Crazies!

Thomas said...

If serenading a girl with Enrique Iglesias songs isn't the way to her heart, I have no idea what is. :-D